Love or Lust
by Zero Unit RGB
Summary: I'm a straight man, or so I thought until I lost my virginity to a gay man. He wants to sleep with me again but I don't want to. Not because I didn't enjoy it, but because I'm scared and well, this is simply lust. If we're going to have sex then love needs to get involved at some point. But can we really have something like that? I hope so. Rated M for: Sex, Swearing, etc. [R18 ]
1. That Lustful Night

Shit, I felt sore. Did I really do that last night? That shouldn't have been a question because I knew exactly what we did the night before. The real question was, what did it mean? Does it mean I have feelings for him? But if I did, does that mean I'm gay?

Damn, I've got a headache. I should get myself cleaned up first.

I take a look over to the man, asleep, in my bed before getting up and moving to the bathroom. Once I was under the warm running water, I began wondering how things ended up the way they had. I think he came over while I was studying…

-X-

I looked up when I thought I heard something. Nothing. I looked back down at my physics textbook when I heard it again. Knocking. I pulled out my ear buds and walked over to the door. "I'm coming, be a little patient."

When I opened the door, I saw Shinya Kanbara standing there with a plastic convenience store bag in one hand. He had his family's infamous goofy smile plastered onto his face and judging from the messy state his clothes were in, he was just at some client's place.

"What is it?" I muttered irately. "I have an exam tomorrow, I need to study."

"That's rude," he pouted as he let himself in. As per usual. He set down the bag onto the coffee table and removed his jacket. "I just wanted to hang out with you since you decided to blow off the others."

The others? I almost forgot, it was the first Monday of the month meaning I was supposed to be with the other Legendary Warriors, to spend time with them. But unlike most of them, I'm still in college so I had schoolwork to take care of. I had to cancel no matter how badly I wanted to be with all of them again. Shinya must've decided to come over because he thought I was lonely. That's typical of him. He's a lot like his brother.

"I'm just tired," I said. I realized that while I was in my apartment alone, I had decided to change into my pajamas early, which meant Shinya was seeing me in a plain white t-shirt and black boxer shorts. It would explain why Shinya was staring at me with his hungry eyes. "Let me go put on some clothes and then I'll make some dinner. Something tells me you haven't eaten yet."

"What makes you think that?"

"You don't know how to cook shit. And you don't really have any money for convenience store goods."

He shrugged innocently. "You got me there."

"Why can't you just learn how to cook for yourself?"

He seemed offended that I would even suggest that to him. "Eh? But Tomoki-chan's food is the best!"

I sighed in exasperation but decided to let it pass since it wasn't the first time he's said this.

After I got changed, I got to work in the kitchen. My apartment wasn't big; it was rather traditional with tatami mats and a noticeable lack of chairs. But it didn't seem to be a big deal for Shinya. He seemed to enjoy being in this confined space, especially after one of his 'jobs'.

"So, who was it tonight?" I asked.

Shinya grinned. "Just this random guy. You probably don't know him."

"Was he a bottom or a top?" I questioned. I didn't even know why I needed to know any of this.

"Bottom," said Shinya. He revealed that he had brought over a pack of beer cans in the bag. He took one and cracked it open. "But the guy came so easily just from being fucked. He stopped there and didn't even let me finish. To top it all off, I'm getting real tired of being the top all the time though."

This was a new piece of information. Shinya is gay, he only has eyes for men but he is interchangeable during sexual intercourse. But the thing is, that's all he looks for when it comes to men. He only searches for something physical and sexual; he doesn't care for a meaningful relationship. The only person he's ever dated was this guy two years younger than him. Makoto, I believe, was his name.

But even while dating the guy, Shinya was still looking all over for sex from other men. Makoto never seemed to mind though I knew he did. Shinya would never ask for money, he wasn't a prostitute. No, he was simply a slut. Whenever I heard my schoolmates referring to the 'faggot slut', I knew who they're talking about. I'm just surprised that there are so many guys who are that desperate for sexual relief at our college though. Especially considering how most seem to be against homosexuals.

I've gotten numerous offers from Shinya myself but I always declined. I was never interested in having sex with a man, whether I was the top or the bottom.

I was getting sidetracked. "I thought you preferred being the top though."

"Yeah, but I've only been the top for two whole weeks now!" Shinya said loudly. "Even Makoto was a strict bottom."

"So," I said as I brought the food over to the table. "You want to be the bottom?"

Shinya nodded as he handed me a can of beer. "Not all the time but once in a while would be nice."

I shook my head. "I will never understand what's so enjoyable about having some dude's dick up your ass."

Shinya wiggled his eyebrows. "Would you like to find out?"

I hit him with a frying pan while taking a sip from the beer. I always did this and I warned him about it too. If he ever tried to make any advances towards me, I would hit him with a weapon from the kitchen. Non-lethal of course. Frying pans and pots have worked best for me but it doesn't stop him from trying again another day.

"No thanks," I grumbled.

Shinya chuckled to himself as he dug into the dinner I made. "Well, I will never understand what's so desirable about sleeping with a girl. It doesn't seem very appealing to me. Then again, I just find the female anatomy to be rather disgusting."

"Better not let any hormone driven straight guys here you say that," I mumbled.

"But I do have to say that I get curious sometimes," Shinya mused before getting some look on his face. He then looked over at me. "You could describe how it is!"

I stared at him as if he grew a second head. Why do we use that analogy all the time? There are probably hundreds of others. Anyway, I stared at him in shock. "What?"

"You heard me."

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not?" he whined. "I always share my sexual escapades with _you_."

"I wouldn't even be able to stop you," I grumbled. "And look, I'm just not comfortable with sharing that part of my personal life with you or anybody else."

"Oh, come on, please?" he inquired. "I'm not asking you to murder someone. All I'm asking is for you to tell me just _one_ sex story."

I huffed in exasperation. "No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I've never had sex before!" I didn't know why I blurted out the truth to him but I felt so fucking embarrassed that I did. He didn't need to know that, especially not him. He's slept with several people before. He's going to make fun of me. Me, the twenty year old virgin.

"Are you expecting me to laugh or something?" he asked instead.

I was, actually. "It's embarrassing, isn't it? To be in college and to have yet to lose your virginity."

Shinya sighed. "I will never understand virgins either. Why do they think that it's so bad to be a virgin at the age of eighteen or above? I know plenty of virgins in my class. And when you think about it, this is Japan; our people are stereotyped to be rather proper so it shouldn't even be that big of a deal."

"But that's just a stereotype," I argued. "I mean, you don't act like a stereotyped gay guy. You love sports, hate boy bands, fall asleep during plays, could probably destroy a kitchen by a picking up a pot, and you have a high sexual drive, all stereotyped straight guy things. The only thing you do that is stereotyped for your sexuality is going to whatever guy you choose for sex, no matter what they're personality is like."

"I'm a little hurt by some of those things," Shinya chuckled. "But in that case, you behave more like a stereotyped homosexual than I do. You love cooking, performing arts; you even know how to sew. And let's not forget what happened last Halloween."

"Izumi forced that make up on me, I didn't have a choice!" I snapped. I realized that he was avoiding the original topic. I knew it; he wanted to laugh at me but decided to change the subject to put on the façade of a good friend. "Go ahead and laugh already. I know you want to."

"Tomoki," Shinya sighed. "It's really not a big deal. You're just being paranoid."

I glanced up at him. "You think so?"

Shinya put a hand on my shoulder and flashed me the Kanbara smile. It's apparently an inherent trait among the males of his family. "Trust me."

Somewhere inside me, I knew he was right. It just felt embarrassing when I hung out with a bunch of guys bragging about the girls they've 'ruined' as they've put it. "Sometimes, I just wish I could get it over with so I don't need to worry about it."

"It's really nothing _to _worry about," Shinya chuckled before getting his idea look on his face.

I blinked, curious and a little scared if I'm being honest. "What?" But I already figured out what he was thinking when he looked at me, his mouth hanging open as he was about to say his idea. So I hit him with the frying pan.

"Ow!" he yelped. "I haven't even said anything yet!"

"I don't care!" I yelled as I stood up. "I'm not going to sleep with you!"

"It's not like I'm going to be the one doing the penetrating," he said as if that made the situation any less awkward for me.

"Is this for your sake or mine?"

"Yours!"

"Really? Because just a few moments ago, you were talking about how you wanted to bottom."

Shinya fell silent and that's when I knew I was right. "Okay, yes." I groaned. "I'm sorry Tomoki! But… Why don't you want to? Are you against it or…?"

"No, I'm not against the idea, I'm straight but…" I had no idea where I was going with that. "Look, I know a lot of straight guys use you for their own sexual pleasures but you're not a slut to me. You're my friend. One of my best friends. And sleeping with you just wouldn't sit right with me."

"Takuya said something along those same lines," Shinya muttered.

My eyes widened and he seemed surprised that he had said that as well. "No!" I drew out loudly. "You didn't!"

"N-No! I swear nothing like that happened!" Shinya tried to cover up, but it was too late, it was now in the air for me to dissect.

"You slept with your own brother?!" I hissed.

"Okay, maybe," he said. "He…Takuya-nii was actually the first guy I slept with but it wasn't him who made the first move. I mean, obviously. He's pretty much the straightest guy I know. But, I was the one who learned about sex and I looked deeper into it on the internet. When I learned about what two guys could do, I… I wanted to try it out and well, Takuya was the only person I could ask. When he declined, I… Did certain sexual tricks I learned online to seduce him."

Part of me was strangely intrigued and I wasn't quite sure why. "So... How old were you?"

Shinya took a moment to think about it. "I think I was twelve."

"Twelve?" I repeated. He was an early bloomer, I already knew that. But that meant Takuya lost his virginity at fifteen, possibly earlier. "Wait… So, if that hadn't happened, would you not have been gay? I mean, if you basically pushed Takuya into fucking you, then…"

Shinya shook his head. "You should know by now that it's not a choice. No, I knew since I was eight that I was attracted to boys. It was pretty scary really."

"I can imagine…"

The two of us remained silent for a long time as images of the Kanbara brothers getting naked together in bed flashed through my head. I picked up the dirty dishes and moved them to the sink, wishing I could scrub away the filthy thoughts in my brain.

"I guess I should go," Shinya said as he stood up.

"Wait," I suddenly blurted out. "You should… stay overnight. It's already way past midnight."

Shinya blinked. "Are you sure?"

I wasn't sure what I was thinking, or what I was planning on doing. I just knew that my lower zone was getting tight in the confinement of my jeans.

I nodded. "Besides, you need to take responsibility for what you did to me." I moved into his line of vision so that he could see my hard on, which was pretty embarrassing in and of itself. I could tell that he got pretty excited when he saw it as he grabbed my and and pulled me into my bedroom.

"Just pretend I'm a girl if it makes you more comfortable," Shinya told me before he started kissing and licking my neck affectionately. He must've been able to tell that I was pretty tense. And the way he was moving downward from my neck, slowly unbuttoning my shirt, definitely made me feel more relaxed.

"I just need some relief," I breathed out when he started playing with my nipples. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for sex."

"If you say so," he smiled. His hand reached forward and grabbed the bulge in my pants causing me to gasp. "You sure are excited though. I had no idea you liked having your nipples played with like this. It's pretty dirty for someone like you."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know that either," I huffed.

"I guess we both learned something new tonight," he grinned.

Shinya continued leaving a trail of kisses down my body and when he reached the belt of my jeans, he began to methodically remove the bottom layer of clothing with his teeth. I already had an erection but it felt like I was getting even more aroused just by watching him. I didn't need to pretend that he was girl.

He stares my exposed dick. "I know it's not very big," I muttered, blushing madly.

"Heh, I've seen smaller," he breathed.

Shinya didn't start sucking it right away though. He began with licking me first, circling his tongue around the base of my cock and even going as far as licking my balls. I couldn't help it as I started releasing moans which only seemed to urge him forward. And that's when he started to put his lips around it and move.

My breathing got quicker and the intervals between my moans became shorter. This felt… amazing but somehow, it didn't feel completely right to me. I knew why when I was approaching my climax. I quickly pushed Shinya away from my member. "H-Hold on!"

"Eh?" he blinked, looking up at me. "What's wrong? I know I'm not a bad cocksucker."

"I-It's not that," I stuttered. "I'm just getting close."

"You said you needed relief."

"Yeah, I know but I… I want to…"

Shinya understood and he began to strip down as I watched. I've seen his nude body several times before but this was the first time I felt embarrassed while he was standing there with his bare body in front of me. I could tell that he was hard as a rock down there but I wasn't there to pleasure him, he was going to pleasure me. Those were his words, I swear.

"Is there a certain position you want me to be in?" he asked seductively.

My heart was pounding in my chest, not because it was my first time, but because of how excited I felt. "I guess whatever you like. I don't particularly care. But don't we need to use protection or lube?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have any condoms with me," Shinya chuckled. "What about you?"

I shook my head. "None."

"Then I guess we have to do this bareback then."

"A-Are you sure?"

"I don't mind."

"What about lube? Won't it hurt if we don't have any?"

He shrugged. "Sure, for someone who's doing it their first or maybe even fifth time. But this is me we're talking about. Even if I haven't done it in two weeks, it won't hurt as much. Don't worry about it." Shinya bent over on his knees and elbows as looked back at me. His ass pointing in my direction. "I'm ready whenever you are."

I wasn't sure if I _was_ ready but there was no turning back since I'd already come that far. Actually there was, for a variety of reasons, like how it was unsafe or how I wanted my first time to be done with someone I love. But right now, this isn't exactly a story about safety or true love; this is about what my lustful desires led me to.

So I put my full weight on the bed, causing the frame to creak slightly. I put my hands on his back and then I was in. Even though I knew that Shinya had done this kind of thing several times before, his asshole was still tight. It seemed to wrap around my dick perfectly and well, it felt incredible.

"So, do I just start moving?" I asked.

"Don't be an idiot," Shinya grunted. "Of course you do. And there's no need to hesitate, I can take it all."

He wasn't joking around; he really could take all of me with no problem whatsoever. And once I started moving in and out of him, I couldn't stop. It felt too good.

I was fucking Shinya Kanbara and it felt great. I could feel the sweat on my body accumulating and I gripped onto him tighter, crashing my chest against his back. Shinya didn't mind though and I could tell from his heavy and quick breathing that he was enjoying it too. I couldn't hold back, but maybe I should've tried harder too. Either way, I ended up relieving myself, before pulling out.

"Shit!" I gasped as I quickly pulled out. "I am so sorry! I-I didn't mean to!"

Shinya looked at me with mock anger as he crawled over to me, fluids dripping from his posterior. "You realize you have to take responsibility for what you've done to me," he said, using my own words against me. "Are you prepared?"

I knew exactly what he wanted, even if he was only kidding. And the strange thing was, I didn't feel repulsed by the thought like I usually was. "…Go ahead," I whispered.

"Wait, what?" he blinked.

"I said you can fuck me," I clarified.

Shinya backed away a little. "I was just joking Tomoki. Plenty of guys have given me their seed from that end. It's not like you did anything wrong, so we can just stop here if you want."

I shook my head. "No, I… I want you to do it."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I am. Besides, you haven't blown your load yet tonight, right?"

Shinya searched my face to try and figure me out, see if I was playing some angle before finally giving in. "Lie on your back. I don't like doing it doggy style when I'm the top."

I complied and lay down on my back. I felt even more exposed than I was already. As if I needed more reasons to blush.

Shinya took hold of each of my ankles and pulled my legs apart. He stared down at my privates' area before bending down and licking my hole. That surprised me. I thought he was just going to fuck me but…

"W-Wait!" I yelped. "W-What are you doing? I don't clean down there very often."

He opened up one eye and looked up at me. "I'm trying to get you to loosen up. Unlike me, this is your first time so it's going to hurt, especially considering the fact that we don't have any lube. So, don't worry. Besides, it's helping you get hard again."

I hadn't realized it but he was right. I was hard again. Apparently, his mouth was good for the front and the back.

I was moaning even more than when he was giving me that blowjob. "Y-You really know what you're doing, huh."

Shinya pulled away and nodded. "You better believe I do. Now, relax, if you tense up, then so will this cute little ass of yours."

I blushed even harder than before, as if that was possible at this point. "Just hurry up."

"Okay, but I was wondering if it was okay to use your cum to loosen you up," he said. "Saliva dries up pretty quick."

I didn't even want to know how he knew about this. "Fine," I murmur.

Shinya grinned and I felt him rubbing something wet, kind of sticky, but also slippery on my asshole. Once that was done, he started teasing me, I could feel it. He was just rubbing the tip of his cock against my hole, making feel hot and impatient all at once. After what felt like an eternity, he pushed himself in and I gasped. He was bigger than I was expecting. And while he was going in deep, he was taking it slow for me.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" he asked me in a gentle voice.

It did. But the pain was mixing with so much pleasure. "Just keep going," I breathed.

And he did. He moved in until he was balls deep and then he started to perform the same hip-swaying motion as I had. But he wasn't going to waste time with me and I could tell as he started to get faster and faster. I could feel his dick thrusting in and out of me and it honestly felt amazing.

"I haven't had an ass this tight in quite some time," Shinya grunted.

"Sh-Shut up!" I moaned. "Just–! Ah, fuck!"

I didn't have to tell Shinya twice. He was fucking me hard and deep and I was getting into it too. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me. I wasn't going to kiss him but I just needed to hold on to something and his warm, sweaty body was closest. It felt good too, our body heat intermingling with each other. I then wrapped my legs around him as well, I didn't want to let go of him. I didn't want to let go of that moment.

"Shit!" he shouted. "I-I'm going to cum!"

I felt his seed burst inside of me and this intense feeling of ecstasy run through my veins. But what surprised me was that the white fluid had gotten on the outside as well, on our skin. And then I realized that I had cum too, from being fucked in the ass. I couldn't believe it but Shinya didn't seem as surprised as he licked some of, well, me, off of my cheek.

"Shit…," I breathed heavily as I released him. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Heh…," he chuckled as he pulled out and then put himself down beside me. "You're probably the best bottom I've ever had in my life."

"I doubt it," I groaned. "God, I feel sore now."

"Yeah, it'll wear off by tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. If you're lucky," Shinya chuckled. "We should probably get cleaned up." Even though he said that, he pulled me close to him so that I could feel the sweat running down his body. He refused to let me go.

"I'm too tired to get cleaned up right now," I yawned.

"Good, we're on the same page," he laughed.

I paused; I wasn't sure what else to say after what we did. So I just said what came naturally to me. "…Good night Shinya."

"Good night, Tomoki."

I fell asleep in his arms.


	2. My Best Friends

I replay everything that had happened the night before to make sure I hadn't dreamt the whole thing. But the lack of clothes and fading scent of semen told me it was reality. So I started contemplating on whether or not it was the best time of my life. I guess I'll only know when I get his full reaction.

It surprised me that he had gotten up so early after climaxing twice last night but then again, I'm a generally lazy person.

I gather up the dirty sheets and wrinkled clothes from the bed and put them in the washing machine in the hallway. After that, I went into the bathroom to wash up before meeting up with my latest sex partner in the kitchen.

"Morning!" I say cheerfully, surprising Tomoki.

Tomoki echoes my greeting in a much lower volume before turning back to continue making morning tea for himself. Shit. He's avoiding my gaze. I pushed the guy I liked for the last several years even further away from me!

After realizing that I'm gay, I started noticing that I saw Tomoki in this rosy, heavenly light. As if he was an angel sent from above just for me. And it wasn't until high school that I realized I was in love with the guy. That's why I never had a serious relationship. Because I was too hung up on a straight guy to really notice anyone else. It's also why I'm such a sex maniac. I get horny all the time just thinking about Tomoki. In clothes! That's how bad I've got it for the dude.

I stand there for a long time, wondering what to do next as I stare at his back.

"Um… About last night…," Tomoki finally utters.

"Right, about last night," I reiterate awkwardly. "Look, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We can even pretend that it never happened if you want."

"I don't want to act like it didn't happen," Tomoki mutters. He was just barely loud enough for me to hear him. "I… I just want to know something. If I enjoyed being a bottom, does that mean I'm gay or at least bisexual or something?"

Now I get it. He's not mad at me for pushing him into sex. He's just really confused. Yes, that is what I'm going to chalk it up to. There's no way he would hate me, right?

Anyway, I could tell that he was really trying to grasp for the answer to this question of his. "It's reasonable for you to enjoy it. I mean, the prostate is in the ass and if it's hit, you receive intense pleasure. And well, with my experience, I know how to pleasure a guy, even the ones most reluctant to bottom."

I also mention that research has shown that a lot of straight guys enjoy prostate massages or anal stimulation. I may have seen that somewhere before on the internet but I might've been pulling it out of my ass. Not sure which. But Tomoki appears to have relaxed a bit.

Tomoki seems to have understood my explanation but he still didn't seem entirely convinced. Crap. He's been my crush for a long time now but he's been my best friend for even longer. I don't want to lose him like a lot of my old 'friends'.

When I first came out, my father was very angry at me while my mother looked like a relative had just died. Dad was shouting at me but then Takuya came to my defense, probably because he blamed himself for what had become of me no matter how many times I tried to tell him that I was born this way. After that, I went over and told the other Warriors to see how they would react, especially since I needed a place to stay. Dad didn't let me back in the house for about a week before remembering that I'm still his son, gay or not.

Anyway, Kouichi took it pretty well. He simply smiled and nodded in understanding. Nothing changed. He still tutored me, he still talked to me, and he was totally cool with it. I even thought I was developing a crush in him but it turns out, I was just super relieved that he was okay with who I am.

Izumi took it even better than he did. Saying how she had never known anyone openly gay before and how she could finally talk to someone about boys. As it turned out, hanging around good-looking guys made it hard for her to make genuine girlfriends so she turned to me. I wasn't like the stereotyped homosexuals who talk about men all the time but it didn't hurt to have that sort of conversation like it was a normal thing. I stayed at her place for the week that I was kicked out. Since her family had mainly grown up in the west; they were a lot more accepting of my sexuality.

Junpei looked surprised, and then wary but he didn't seem to be against me. His behavior around me did change, he seemed almost cautious, like being gay was contagious or something. I can't really blame him; we did grow up in a pretty conservative country after all.

Kouji was unreadable at the time; actually, he's unreadable all the time. All I know is that he didn't exactly seem to approve of me. That's what I thought, until he protected me from a couple of thugs who wanted to beat me up for being myself. After that, he started keeping a closer eye on me, he's made it very clear that he doesn't like my sexuality very much but he's also made it clear that I'm his friend and he won't just leave me in the gutter if I need help.

Then there's Tomoki. Nothing changed. That's all I can say. Or so I thought. Turns out, he always knew that I was gay because he was the one who was originally protecting me from bullies when I was selling myself to sports clubs to relieve them of their stress of an upcoming big game.

I've tried countless times to get close to him but each time, he would pull away and then come back to make sure I know that he's still my friend.

He's always been there for me. I don't want to lose him, not after what we did.

"Shinya?"

I was brought back to reality. Tomoki was finally looking at me again, concern etched into his face. "Oh, sorry! I was just lost in thought."

"I could tell," Tomoki said, giving me a small smile. "Um… How can you be sure?"

I knew what he was talking about. "Well, do you get turned on when you think about a male model's nude body?"

There was a slight hesitation in his answer. "No…"

This might be a huge risk that could backfire and push him even further away but… "What about me? Last night?"

He blushed. "Well, maybe, yes? I'm not sure. I got aroused, looking at you, that's for sure."

There was one more risky method I could try. "They say you can find out your orientation by kissing."

"Kissing?"

It's a lot more romantic than sex since the latter is usually portrayed to be lustful. "Right. If, say, we kiss and it feels right, then you're gay or bisexual." I don't want to complicate things by mentioning that he could also be hetero-romantic.

Tomoki gives me a long hard look but he knows me. I search for physical pleasure in the form of sex, never have I actually kissed another boy except for Makoto; the only guy I actually dated. He broke it off with me because he realized that there was no way I could ever provide him the real intimacy he wanted. I was stricken with a little bit of sadness at first, but then relief washed over me because I realized that the only reason I wanted to go out with him was because he reminded me of the guy I actually liked.

"Okay, then… If you don't mind…," Tomoki starts, he doesn't really have to say more.

I'm actually feeling nervous, scared that I was going to push him further away but I wasn't about to back down now. So I put my arms around him and pull him close before pressing my lips against his. He was less than a second off but he returned my gesture.

The kiss was something else from everything I've ever experienced because it feels so innocent and pure. We don't shove our tongues down each other's throats. Neither one of us made any implication that we wanted more than just lip contact. It was warm, gentle, and the best part of it is that it lasted for about ten seconds. And the worst part is that it was over.

When we pull apart; Tomoki was just looking at me and I'm not quite sure why.

"Well?" I question.

He shook his head. "I… I'm not sure. I mean… I guess I kind of liked it. So… Does that mean?"

I could see that he was scared, terrified actually. I had dinner with Tomoki's family once and I was just jokingly flirting with Tomoki. Okay, so the Himi family believed I was joking.

Anyway, Tomoki's older brother, Yutaka, got annoyed and told me to stop behaving like a fag. Mister Himi scolded him for insulting a guest but then I made a huge mistake. I told him that it was fine since it wasn't much of an insult for me. I don't want to say bad things about them since they are generally nice people (except Yutaka) but let's just say that I was kicked out of that house faster than a pedophile on school grounds. Okay, that's not true. There was a lot of yelling after initial shock first.

"If you're this confused, it's only a possibility," I decide to say. "You've lived your whole life knowing that you were straight so just stick to that. If you had any interest in men, then it would've shown a long time ago. Trust me on that."

Tomoki doesn't seem too sure but he nods in agreement. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Of course I am," I smile. Hopefully that'll make me seem more convincing. I don't need him to be so frightened over who he may or may not be. I just need him in my life.

Tomoki glances at the time and quickly grabs his bag. "I've got to go or I'll be late for my exam. I've brewed some coffee for you and help yourself to anything in the fridge if you're hungry. And be sure to get to class. I'm not responsible if your grades start to drop."

"Yeah, sure, whatever mom," I say in a droning, annoyed teenager voice. This was an ordinary routine for us whenever I stayed overnight. I'm not sure why I even have my own apartment. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Tomoki nods. "I'll see you later." It looked like there was more he wanted to say but he just left it at that and left.

"Later…," I sigh.

-X-

From one best friend to another. I just need to talk to someone about everything that had happened. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about last night's events to anyone but I assume that if it was someone Tomoki and I mutually trusted then it would be all right.

I think she said that she's working here today. It's a good thing I chose most of my classes to be in the late afternoon.

I walk into the building and ask the receptionist about the studio before going over there. When I enter, I instantly knew that I had walked in on a horny straight man's wet dream come true. She was standing on glittering sand, her wet blonde hair falling over her body, striking a sexy pose while wearing only a small black bikini. She has curves in all the right places and the makeup department did a magnificent job at making her already beautiful face even more stunning.

You're probably wondering how a gay guy knew all this about a woman… Well I'm gay, not blind. What more can I say?

Anyway, despite the confidence she displays as a professional model, I could tell she wasn't very comfortable with this photo shoot. Or at least, not with the way the men were staring at her. I could easily see that most of them were already hard just looking at her. That was just sad. Though, if it was a really hunky guy then I'd probably be in the same situation as them.

"Okay, we're done!" the photographer states after taking his last few shots. He's also one of the few men who isn't hopelessly lusting after the model which was probably why she always asks him to do her shoots. He's also got a really nice body on him. I don't know why he didn't take up modeling himself, I'd pick up all of the magazines with him in it immediately. "Can someone get a robe for Orimoto-san?"

"Thanks Tokuyama-san," she smiles as she puts on the pink robe. That was when she noticed me standing near the doorway. "Shinya! Hey! What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could have brunch together or something," I grin.

Tokuyama lit a cigarette (Indoors… Okay, so he's got some flaws) and came over to us. "Ah, Kanbara-kun, it's nice to see you again. Have you thought about my offer about becoming my personal model?"

This guy jokingly flirts with men as openly as I do. At least, I'm pretty sure he's joking. "Sorry, but I've still got school so I have to decline."

"Ah, that's too bad but it's good for a kid your age to stay in school," he chuckles as he waves his camera around. "I'll be taking this to the media department then. I'll catch you guys later."

After saying goodbye to the Japanese Adonis, we went to Izumi's dressing room so that she could quickly change into her ordinary clothes. Once that's over with, we go over to dessert café across the street. It might've been a bad idea since a lot of teenage girls come here and that's the majority of Izumi's fan base. This means, we were being stared at like the pastries in the display.

"Is that really Izumi Orimoto?"

"No way! Why would she come to a place like this?"

"Who is that guy with her? He's kind of cute."

"Do you think he could be her boyfriend?"

Izumi didn't seem to notice at all. Then again, she's been an international idol for about six years now; she must be used to it. "So, something tells me that you came to me for more than just brunch. No sane person goes to another town just to have food with a friend."

"We're at a sweetshop," I laugh. "How is this brunch?"

"Don't dodge the question," Izumi smiles before leaning forward. "I'm here for you."

"Well, first, what was that shoot for?"

"It's supposed to be going on the front cover of Jungurubito (Jungle Beat) magazine, a special early summer edition." I'm glad she explained to me how the industry worked or else I'd be asking why a summer photo shoot in fall.

"Ah," I nod as I stir my tea.

"Now come on, tell me what's going on in that head of yours," Izumi tells me. "I can never tell. Your facial expressions are as obscure as Kouji's."

I give her a faux smile. "Then what do you call this expression?"

"Okay, so it was a bit of an exaggeration," Izumi giggles. "But come on, I can tell you're preoccupied about something. You can tell me."

"Okay, if it'll stop you from pestering me," I sigh dramatically. I pause to make sure that no one is eavesdropping and I think the girls in the booth behind me were but I decided to just take spill the beans anyway. "Last night, I slept with Tomoki."

Izumi's blank expression told me that she was trying to process this information. "Like… In the same bed…?"

"No! I mean… I had sex with him," I clarified in a hushed and slightly embarrassed tone.

Her eyes widen for a moment and her jaw drops but she quickly switched to a more neutral expression, now fully aware of my cautious behavior. It's not like I wanted to hide my orientation from the public. I'm open but sometimes, it's just better to leave it hidden. You know, in case there's some conservative psycho with a knife on him.

"Seriously?" Izumi hisses. Her shock was covering the excitement that was underneath the surface. I can tell. She knows that I've liked Tomoki for a while. "Does this mean that he returns your feelings or what? Come on; don't leave me in the dark! Give me the juicy details!"

It's kind of funny, seeing a model; actress, dancer, and singer whine and plead like a little child.

"There's not much to say," I confess. "He was acting all bummed because he was a virgin and I made my usual stupid offer and then… Well, he took it. Okay, not exactly but he got into a situation in his pants and he wanted me to provide some relief to him. My point is; we had sex."

I'm giving her the abridged version of the story, of course. She doesn't need to know about certain details like my incestuous escapades. There are some secrets that even best friends can't share with each other.

"Does that mean he likes you?" she asks, getting to the question I'm still trying to figure out for myself.

"I don't know," I shrug. "We talked this morning and then… we kissed… And–!"

"Whoa! Back it up!" Izumi practically shouts before remembering the type of conversation we were supposed to be having. She lowered her volume until it was simply a notch above mute. "You guys kissed?"

I nod. "Yeah, but he only wanted to confirm whether or not he was gay."

"And?"

"He's really confused about it. He's not sure what he is anymore so I decided to tell him that he was most likely straight since that's how he's always thought of himself his whole life," I answer. "It's funny, the LGBT community goes on and on about how their sexuality is something they're born with and well, so do I, but then, there are so many instances when straight people actually get confused and feel they could be gay."

Izumi considers what I had just said. "I don't think that's true. I think that it's perfectly natural to love both genders and its only society that keeps us from thinking that. We see straight couples on television, the internet, in public so we think that's what's supposed to be natural and that becomes are mindset. For some, they fall or are more susceptible to attraction with the same sex, they become labeled as gay or bi or whatever. But the point is, everyone is born a little gay in my opinion."

"And only for some, it develops," I add.

That would mean that everyone has a little bit of that gay part in their hearts that they've locked up. I wonder if I held the key to that part of Tomoki's heart.

No! I'm just bringing my hopes up again. I shouldn't do that or the fall is going to hurt a lot more. And the rush of it won't be able to compensate for the pain.

"I know, it's a strange theory but it's what I believe," Izumi says.

"Does that mean there's a lesbian part of you?" I ask, deciding to change the subject.

She didn't look like the idea was preposterous or anything, she just took a second to think about it. "Well, I have been curious, I'll admit. But not enough to go out with another girl. Like you, I think I love men a bit way too much. Speaking of which, I've got this massive crush on Atsushi-san!"

"Who?" I blinked.

"Tokuyama-san, Atsushi's his first name."

"You're on a first name basis with him now?"

She does a bit of a pretentious hair flip which is a running joke between us. "What do you expect? We've been working together for years now. I don't call him that in the workplace or near the paparazzi, they may get the wrong idea and all."

I had to admit, I felt a little bit envious of her. "Lucky!"

Izumi shook her head with a fond smile. "It would never work out though. Being on a first name basis with him also comes with whole new territory, meaning; secret sharing. As it turned out, all those times he's flirted with you, he's been half-serious."

My mouth hangs open. "You're kidding me."

"Nope," she shakes her head. "That's what I mean by its not lucky because now my fantasies are ruined. But I've got new fantasies of course. Ever since he told me that he may be in love with his assistant who's pretty good-looking too. So I give them my full support!"

"For an idol, you're quite the fan girl," I chuckled.

"I can't help myself," she laughs. "Nothing can ever steer me away from BL."

The two of us continue this mindless stereotypical girl chatter for a while before it was time for her to get back to her manager. We leave the sweetshop and I walk her back to the studio where we stop in front of my car first.

"Wait," I call before she could get back inside the building. "What am I supposed to do about Tomoki?"

"I think you should wait," Izumi replies. "You don't even know what Tomoki wants to do and it's better not to push anything if you truly cherish him as a friend."

I nod in understanding. "I do. I don't want to lose him and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world."

Izumi smiles. "That's good."

"But… What if he _does_ like me?"

"Well, you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk. Dating friends aren't usually a good idea after all."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I'd survive like you and my brother."

"Actually, Takuya and I stopped talking to each other directly for about three months after our break up," Izumi admits. "But I'm really glad that it didn't affect our friendship all too much afterwards. Anyway, good luck."

"Yeah, thanks," I smile back.

Izumi walks back into the building to meet up with her manager and I get into my car. I wonder about Izumi's theory for a bit and decide that I personally don't believe in it. I still think you're born with your sexual orientation but who knows; maybe it's different from another perspective. I'll never know. But at this very moment, I've never wished so hard to know what another person is feeling.


	3. Something Beautiful

I couldn't focus at all so I'm fairly certain that I bombed my exam. But my mind's too preoccupied to be too concerned about failure either. I just can't stop thinking about last night and how much I want to do it all over again but… It just keeps bringing up the question; am I gay?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, obviously. I've been supporting Shinya my whole life. It's just… some people don't realize that they need to respect the space of others. The anti-bigots, so to speak, go out of their way to tell someone to support the LGBTQ community and all that. But the thing is, if bigots cannot change our minds then what makes us think we can change theirs?

I'm not saying that we should stop pride parades and protests but maybe, dial it down. The pointless arguments of 'gays are human too' is lost to them. The same way 'gays will burn in Hell' is lost to us. We speak on different wavelengths but we keep trying to create a meeting point. We do that on our own, not with help from the opposite side.

I'm getting way off topic here. The point is that I'm scared. My family is very conservative and if they thought I was gay…

I need to talk to someone else about this. Right now, Takuya and Kouji are working a few towns over so there's no way I can bother them. I think Izumi just finished some photo shoot and is now getting ready to fly out to Hokkaido for some movie. Kouichi is probably still in med school or volunteering at some local rescue center. That leaves me only one option… Ugh, why him?

Junpei is a good guy, really he is. It's just, if there was one bigot in every six people, Junpei would be the guy for our group. He's not totally against gays, he takes a more neutral standpoint if anything, but he tends to avoid homosexuals like the plague. Okay, that's an exaggeration but you get the idea.

I believe he's working on site, not too far from my apartment building actually. About ten blocks down.

As I rounded the bend of my street, I could hear the loud sounds of construction work and as it came into view, I could see the solid, muscular back of my old friend studying some blueprints in his hands.

In the thirteen years I've known everybody, no one has changed more than Junpei. After coming back from the Digital World, he made a vow to stop being lazy so that the day he reunites with Beetlemon will be a proud one. He started hitting the gym and helping out his uncle who owned a small construction firm. It wasn't long before Junpei took over as foreman and is now calling the shots. Presently, his muscles bulged out from underneath his clothing, puberty helped get rid of a lot of his chubbiness too, and I could see the rough stubble on his chin as he stared at the new building's plans with a rather distracted expression on his handsome face.

Shinya describes him to be a 'gay man's manly mantasy'. Yes, those are his exact words. And Junpei has heard him say them too so that's an added reason for why he avoids Shinya.

"Junpei!" I call out to him over the noise.

His reaction surprised me immensely. He was uncharacteristically jumpy as evident by how he visibly leapt into the air a few centimeters and tossed the blueprints onto the dirt. When he realized that it was me, he visibly relaxes. "Oh, it's just you. Sorry about that Tomoki."

"Are you okay?" I ask out of concern. "I haven't seen you this jumpy since we had to worry about Duskmon coming after us."

Junpei gave a humorless laugh to the old memory. "I'm fine. I've just been really stressed out lately because the clients pushed up the deadline for the project and the president, Hato-san, is basically breathing down my neck to make sure I don't screw up."

I almost forgot. When the Shibayama construction firm ran into some financial trouble, a huge firm took them in, merging the two together. The president of this group goes by Hato-san and if Junpei isn't careful he could lose almost everything.

"When's the deadline?" I asked.

"They want it done by the end of the year," Junpei huffs as he walked over to me. I was standing right outside the hard hat zone. "I wonder if they realize it takes a long time to construct an actual building. Thankfully, we just need to handle the infrastructure, walls, and floors. The interior design and anything concerning electricity or plumbing is handled by another department."

Junpei always does this; he gives way too much information to anything concerning his career even if the listener doesn't care all too much. But I have to admit, I like seeing how he lights up when he talks about it. I remember when we were younger and how he was automatically turned off by physical labor. Suddenly, he lives for it.

"So you should be able to get it done by then, right?" I questioned.

"Hopefully," he nods with a big grin on his face. "So, what brings you here? I thought you had some big exam."

I nod. "I just finished it. But, um, I actually… I wanted to talk to you about something. It's really personal so I would like it if we could talk somewhere more private."

Junpei's smile fades into a more serious expression. He was concerned about me, I could tell. He opens his mouth to respond but all that came out was a yelp. "Yipe!"

I took a step backwards in surprise which was how I saw the rather large man standing behind my friend. He was laughing wholeheartedly like he was in a bar with friends and he was told some hilarious joke. Apparently, I missed the punch line but Junpei didn't.

"There's my cute little Jun-chan!" the stranger laughed.

"Jun… -chan?" I repeat. I could now see that the man was also a construction worker which meant he worked for Junpei.

Junpei was blushing. "K-Kariya-san! I told you not to call me that! Now get back to work!"

Kariya was unfazed by his superior's authoritative tone. "Eh? But, you didn't seem to mind being called Jun-chan when–."

"Well, I'm going to be taking my lunch break with my friend now!" Junpei quickly shouts, cutting the older man off. He grabs me by the arm and starts dragging me away to a sandwich shop a block away, hitting me with some intense déjà vu.

After the events from last night, the random thought of Junpei having some sexual relationship with that man from before came to mind but I brushed it off quickly. There was no way that someone as homophobic as Junpei would have sex with a man, right? Then again… even though I wouldn't call myself homophobic, I definitely wouldn't have ever imagined myself to have had sex with a guy either and we all know how that turned out.

"Junpei?" I say once we had sat ourselves down in our usual booth. "Um… Why did you pull me away like that?"

Junpei had to take more than ten seconds before answering and whenever he does that, it means he's trying to come up with a lie. Junpei's not the type to think about his responses for more than a second or two, he prefers to speak his mind most of the time. "That guy, Kiraya-san, says some of the most bizarre things. He's always joking around and for people who don't know him all too well, they could take him seriously."

"What's wrong with that?" I shrug. "It almost sounds like you're describing Takuya."

"Well, it's just that… Kariya likes to joke about sleeping with me. So, I don't want you to have the wrong idea or anything," he chuckles nervously.

That's what I thought. Well, he just basically confessed one of his biggest secrets to me, which means the only way to tell him mine is to just do it. "I had sex with Shinya last night."

Junpei's eyes grew so wide that I was nearly certain that they'd fall out of their sockets. "You did what?!"

I quickly shush him, as did half the patrons in the restaurant. I suddenly regretted my decision of coming to him. "Are you hungry? We should probably get some sandwiches."

"Okay…," Junpei nods as calmly as possible. "But when we get back to our seats, I want to hear the full story."

"And you'll get it," I promise.

The two of us got our food and sat back down. Junpei wasn't going to rush me just like how I wasn't going to unnecessarily question him about his relationship with Kariya-san. When we were halfway through with our sandwiches, I could see that Junpei was expecting me to talk.

So I take a deep breath before recalling the events in vague detail. "I'm not quite sure what had happened. I just know that he came over to keep me company and we started talking. He was talking about his 'client' and then he pushed me to talk about my sexual adventures but I didn't have any to tell. Suddenly, our conversation took an even more sexual turn and I became aroused. So I decided to take him up on one of his usual offers except, I wasn't expecting it to go as far as actual intercourse."

"So… Which one of you was the top?" Junpei asks.

"I was, at first, but then we switched roles," I answer nervously, wondering what he would think.

"Did you…"

"Enjoy it?"

"…Yeah."

"Yes…?"

"You sound unsure."

"What would you think if I did?"

Junpei gave a heavy sigh. "Well… I guess I would think that you and I have had similar experiences then."

Holy shit, is he saying what I think he's saying? I had made the assumption that if he was in a sexual relationship with Kariya-san, then he was the top. But to say that we had similar experiences can only mean one thing. "Are you serious? But I thought…" I trail off.

"You thought what?" he inquires.

"I kind of thought that you were mildly homophobic," I admit. "I mean, when Shinya came out to us, you were kind of avoiding him. And whenever the two of you were in the same room together, you would always seem cautious around him."

"I was just, kind of afraid," Junpei sighs. "I was always bi-curious but I never really acknowledged that side of myself because of everything we're taught about how homosexuality is wrong or immoral. I evaded Shinya because – and this is a really stupid reason when I look back on it – I was afraid that I would be influenced by his, um, behavior." It felt like he was hiding something from me. There was no way that the Junpei I know would be so afraid of his bi-curious side; simply because of what we were told when we were young.

"That doesn't sound like you," I pointed out. "Was there another reason for you to be scared?"

Junpei pauses. "My cousin, Kousuke, is gay. When I was eighteen, he was a year older and he came out with his boyfriend by his side. Kousuke was rejected by the entire family and we lost contact with him. So, I wasn't scared of that side of myself, I was more terrified of rejection, especially from my family. The part about Shinya influencing me is still true because I was really naïve and dumb."

That made more sense. After all, Junpei was never really significant among his peers before going to the Digital World so the thought of being seen as invisible by his own family would've been devastating for him. "I get what you mean."

"So, why did you want to talk to me about this anyway?" Junpei asked, circling back to how this conversation even got started.

"It's just that… I'm really confused," I admitted. "I think I may be gay or bisexual, I don't even know and it just bothers me. But what really bothers me is the fact that I want to do it again with Shinya. But we're best friends; I don't want to do something like lead him on or anything. What am I supposed to do?"

Junpei thought about it for a bit. "How much do you like Shinya?"

"What?"

"Do you think that your feelings for him may be more than friendship?"

"I don't know!" I huffed. "That's why I'm so confused! I don't want to jeopardize our friendship but I'm not sure I can be around him without being constantly reminded of…"

"Sex?"

"…Yeah."

Junpei scratches the stubble on his chin. "Well, just wanting only sex and wanting a real relationship are two different things. The former is purely for physical pleasure whereas the latter, is when you're searching for an emotional connection between two hearts. If you're seeking only sex, then I suggest you give up on your friendship with Shinya and never go near him again because it will only push him to assumptions about your relationship."

"But… I don't want that…"

"I know you don't," Junpei quickly continues. "But from what I can tell, you might actually have feelings for Shinya. Maybe, you should take a chance."

"But what if it doesn't work out?"

"You won't know until you try."

Then, I became curious about another thing. "What about you? Did you decide to go out with Kariya-san or something?"

"No, I didn't," he said. "Kariya… He asked me out after the first night but I didn't feel anything for him. At the time, he was still a new worker so I barely knew anything about him. I didn't want to lead him on and from that first night, I knew that I wasn't interested in having a relationship with another man. I was just curious and that was it for me. But…"

"You two are still having sex with each other?" I conclude.

His head fell into his hands, looking ashamed of himself. "I know that it's wrong to have sexual intercourse and pretend that there are no strings attached but... Ugh! I don't even have a valid excuse for why I don't stop him."

"Do you plan on ending it any time soon?" I ask.

"I've been trying but… He keeps insisting that all he needs is, um, a partner in the bedroom from time to time, and nothing more" Junpei mutters.

"Do you believe him?"

"Not for one second."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

Junpei gives me a long hard look. "I'm going to find someone else for Kariya-san. Someone who can give him what I can't. It shouldn't be too hard for a man like him to find a real partner. According to him, he was straight but then some guy got involved with him and he claims to be bisexual now."

"So, you have a lot of options then," I chuckle.

"_He_ has a lot of options, you mean," Junpei grins.

"When and how did it happen anyway?"

Junpei rubbed his chin again. "It actually wasn't too long ago. Kariya's work ethic was lacking compared to how he was doing the previous days. I had to confront him about it as his behavior was becoming a detriment to everyone else. He wouldn't really tell me anything though so I decided to try and cheer him up by taking him out for a drink after work. I don't think I've ever seen anyone take so much alcohol in one night. So he was hammered by the time he was finished. So I had to half-carry, half-drag him back to his house."

One of my best talents is my ability to envision events in my mind's eye.

-X-

"It's… surprisingly empty," Junpei muttered.

Kariya slipped out of the younger man's grasp and collapsed onto his bed. "Well, that's the life of a divorced man whose wife took almost everything."

Junpei crouched down beside his red-faced worker. "Were you thinking about your ex-wife? Was that why you've been acting so depressed lately?"

Kariya shook his head. "No, I was thinking about… an ex-boyfriend." Junpei thought he misheard Kariya but before he could say anything, the older man continued. "I saw him again recently but he had already moved on and outright rejected me. He and his boyfriend even had sex right here, in my house. I think they fucked on the very spot you're kneeling on."

"Okay then!" Junpei said quite loudly as he stood back up. Junpei quieted down as soon as he regained his composure. "Look, I'm really sorry about that but if this guy moved on, then so can you. There are plenty of single people out there and for a guy like you; it shouldn't be too difficult to land a lover."

Kariya turned his head and looked at him. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Junpei replied.

Kariya was starting to get up now. "Are you single?"

Junpei now understood what his employee was saying. "Oh, um, yes. But I'm straight. I'm not interested in men so I wouldn't be a very good option for you. Trust me on that." Junpei was about to scurry out of the house but Kariya grabbed him and forced him to the floor so that he was over him, pinning him down. "W-What are you doing?"

It was obvious that Kariya was incredibly drunk but the fogginess in his eyes had cleared away somewhat, leaving Junpei with the sense that Kariya was aware of his actions. "I thought the same thing but you never know what can happen until you try."

Kariya pressed his lips against Junpei's, fiercely kissing him for several seconds. When Kariya pulled way, Junpei was left feeling dazed and breathless, this gave the older man the chance to continue his actions even further. It wasn't long until their clothes were stripped off and they were just leaning against the wall, kissing and groping each other.

Junpei wasn't quite sure what he was doing or why. It's not like he was drunk off his ass like his partner but he just felt so aroused by that first kiss and everything happening just made him feel good. By morning, neither one felt the need to explain the events from the previous night.

"So… Am I fired now?" Kariya asked nervously.

Junpei looked around the mostly empty house and sighed. The emptiness made him feel sympathy towards the older man and he decided to simply chalk it off as too much alcohol. "I can't do that. For the most part, you are a diligent worker and you clearly need the money. You haven't done anything in violation of your business contract so I see no reason to let you go."

Kariya released a breath of relief. "Thank you so much! I will not let you down Jun-kun!"

Junpei cringed. "There's no need for the '-kun' honorific."

"Then how about Jun-chan?"

Junpei blushed. "What?! K-Kariya-san, I don't think we're close enough for you to call me by that name."

"Okay… Then how about we go out? On a date?"

-X-

"You skipped over the sex parts," I point out to Junpei.

The blood rushed to Junpei's face in a nanosecond. "Of course I did! You're a grown man; you should know the gist of it. And besides, I've known you since you were eight, it's hard to explain things like that when all I can remember is that innocent little kid."

"So, I'm not so innocent now?" I ask.

"Hey, don't push me into awkward situations. I've had enough of those to last me a lifetime."

"Isn't that what you said about dangerous situations?"

Junpei gives me a knowing look and we both smile. "I'd give up my monotonous life in a second to go back to that life but not permanently." This is coming from the guy who actually loves his job and takes the most out of every day. And I agreed with him.

"Hey, Junpei…," I said. "Do you think we've drifted apart since we all met thirteen years ago?"

"It happens to all friends at some point," Junpei sighs sadly before giving me a malcontent smile. "We can never return to the old, merry memories but we can always return to each other. None of us have the heart to let go. Not after everything we've gone through."

I felt almost depressed hearing this. It made me realize that it was very similar to the situation right now. Junpei and I haven't really sat down and spoken to each other in months. The last time we spoke to each other was back in June, when his firm started working on the building. But here I was, returning to him and seeking a friend to talk to.

"We'll always have each other," I nod.

"We always will," Junpei chuckles before checking his watch. "My break is up. I should really get going."

I hadn't even realized that we had been here for the last half hour. "I guess I should go back home and start on my English essay."

"Sounds fun," he snorts.

Junpei was going to handle the garbage we left on the table so I just grab my bag and march towards the exit. My hand is on the door handle when the he calls my name. I turn my head just in time to see him pulling paper flowers from out of thin air.

I was stunned for a few seconds but then I smile. "You still do magic."

"You guys all have amazing things going on and you always have something beautiful to tell me when we see each other," Junpei chuckles. "So that I don't ever bore you guys with construction talk, I wanted to make sure that I would always have something beautiful to show you."

"Next time, show us another trick," I say. "When we're all together."

"Yeah… I will." Junpei returns the smile. "Good luck with Shinya."

"Good luck with Kariya… And thanks." For always being there for me and always showing me something beautiful. Not everything needs to be said out loud for him to hear.


	4. Until You're Ready

I'm done with my classes for today but I don't feel like going back to my shitty apartment. Mostly because I feel a magnetic pull trying to take me back to a different shitty apartment. Well, actually, it's not that shitty. It's tidier, smells better, and the lights work better.

As I was leaving the campus, I was stopped by an upperclassman in the boxing club. I think his name is Tadashi or something. I can't really remember. But I do know that he is one of my clients and personality-wise, he's a piece of crap. But he is oh-so-good in bed. Hey, I give credit where credit is due.

"Hey, Kanbara!" he calls out to me.

I restrain myself from giving him a rude response. "What is it?"

He drapes an arm around me but not in a flirtatious manner. It was more shady and confidential, like a pot dealer trying to hide the fact that he was selling drugs by pretending to be friends with the buyer. "Listen, the team has a match on Friday but we've been having a bit of a losing streak. We're all really stressed so I figured that we'd use you to let out our pent up frustrations. You think you could drop by on Thursday evening for a little _motivation_ training?"

This guy is literally inviting me to a gangbang on school grounds. And people say _I_ have no shame. Also, notice how I say gangbang and not orgy. The thing about sports teams is that they're generally all straight, meaning with a male partner, they're tops. How else do you think everyone knows me as the school slut?

"It's fine," I reply nonchalantly. What am I supposed to do? Reject the boxing team? They'd pulverize me. Besides, I don't expect to be having a good fuck in a while. And no offense to Tomoki but he wasn't very good at being a top. I may have been moaning to be polite.

"Good," he pats my shoulder. I think he may have dislocated it. "We'll be expecting you in the locker room at six."

"Sure," I mutter before escaping him. "I'll see you then!"

The commute to Tomoki's apartment was an uneventful one so I won't mention any of the unnecessary details. When I got there, Tomoki wasn't home so I let myself in. I have a spare key but I always knock anyway. It wasn't until five PM that Tomoki actually came back.

"Shinya," Tomoki greets me as he takes off his shoes.

He doesn't seem that surprised to see me but he doesn't seem all too happy either. It was like he was hoping to avoid confronting me. Crap. Does that mean he's going to try to avoid me because of what we did last night?

"Um… Hey," was all I could say. I was suddenly parched. Usually, I'm really good with words but I get so tongue-tied around Tomoki.

An awkward silence fell between us. Not good. Our silences are usually comfortable, not the opposite. I knew it was a mistake to have sex with him.

Tomoki moves over to the kitchen and started pouring rice into the rice cooker. "I'm going to get a head start on dinner. You can just watch TV while you wait or something."

I don't like this. I want to talk about something. About last night. About something that would break this awkwardness. "I saw Izumi today, before she headed off for her other shoot. She told me that her photographer is actually gay. Can you believe that?"

A pause and I see him press his lips together as if he has some sort of guilty secret. "…I saw Junpei today. And I told him about what we did," Tomoki confesses.

That explains it. Junpei must've freaked out or something and he's probably had some reaction to Tomoki that made Tomoki even more self-conscious! I've never disliked the old man before, mostly because he is serious masculine eye candy, but for once, I do.

"And let me guess, he was disgusted," I huff.

Tomoki shakes his head. "Actually… he told me some interesting things. I'm not quite sure if I'm allowed to share."

"What?! That's not fair! I told you about Atsushi-san!"

"Who?"

"Izumi's photographer, that's his first name."

"Oh…"

I couldn't take it anymore. "Do you regret what we did last night?"

Tomoki seems startled that I even brought it up and now I knew for sure I made a mistake last night. I grab my bag and was about to push my way through the door so I won't have to hear his answer but he stops me. He pulls me back and kisses me on the mouth. Like before, there was no playing, it was a pure and innocent kiss that I still wanted more of.

"You're an idiot," Tomoki says breathlessly when he pulls back.

"Then what was that for?" I ask.

"To make sure you know that I _don't_ regret it," he states firmly. I could feel the heat from his body because he was so close and I could see the tint of red rising to his face. "I'm just afraid that something is going to go wrong and we can never go back to being friends."

"Don't be stupid," I reply. "I'm supposed to be the idiot in this relationship, not you." Izumi told me to stay away if I really valued our friendship but something about Tomoki just made me gravitate towards him. I can't ignore my feeling for him any longer. "If you enjoyed it, if you feel like you like me, then just say so."

"Wasn't that kiss enough?" he inquires. There's the humor I was missing.

I pressed my forehead against his and caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. "I need to hear you say it. I need to have it out in the open so that I know for sure that this is real and not some cruel dream my mind has made up."

There was a short pause but Tomoki wasn't about to risk having me walk out on him again, I could tell. "I like you Shinya. I really like you."

"Good," I say before kissing him again, more passionately this time and he reciprocated. We kissed each other for what felt like hours before pulling apart, gasping for air. "I've liked you for so fucking long that it hurts to let it all out now."

I was about to drag him into his bedroom but he quickly slips out of my grasp. I was still in motion so I almost fell over but I caught myself.

"Wait, Shinya!" Tomoki says. "I'm not ready to do… _it_… again."

He can read me so well. "But I thought you said…"

"I said I like you," Tomoki explains. "But if we're actually going to be lovers then I don't think we should be having so much sex. We'll just end up with a purely physical relationship rather than an actual one."

I'm impatient and horny, Tomoki knows these things about me but I could tell he was serious about this. And seeing his face, there was just no way that I could simply say no to him. "I guess so… But if we're going to be lovers, then don't we need to go on dates? Are you sure about going out in public as a gay couple?"

"Well… No, not really" he admits. It should sting, even a little, but he is just too cute.

"Well, I guess stay-at-home dates aren't uncommon nowadays," I chuckle before coming up with another idea. "Lovers also tend to live together, so how about if I move in? I can pack up my bags and be back here in about an hour at most." I knew I was rushing things but like I said, I'm impatient.

"Uh, well, I don't really mind you living here. That's not much different from everyday life honestly," Tomoki says. "But there is one thing that definitely has to change."

Uh-oh, he sounds real serious here. "And what's that?"

He takes a deep breath as if he's about to go on a long rant. "You can't be acting like a plaything for other guys anymore. If you're going to be my lover then you should know that it's not right to do things like that."

Of course I know that! It just slipped my mind that I would have to stop visiting clients. But now that it's back _in_ my mind, I realize that I have to somehow cancel my appointment with the boxing club. I don't think that's going to go over so well. "I can… do that…"

"You don't sound so sure about that," Tomoki points out.

I don't want to tell him about the boxing club because he'd just get worried and put himself on the line just like he's always done before. The first time when I started behaving like the local whore, I ended up stupidly asking out an upperclassman in the basketball club. He was generally nice to me but it was only when I asked him out that I realized he was just taking pity on me because he was disgusted that I had done that. He actually tried to physically harm me and if it weren't for Tomoki, I actually could've gotten seriously hurt.

"It's fine," I laugh, trying to put up a believable front. "I just have a couple clients lined up and now I have to cancel on them. No big deal, just a couple of desperate boys who need to relieve themselves of stress or a couple others who are curious." My curious clients are always my secret ones so hopefully, Tomoki will stop asking.

"Oh, okay then…," Tomoki nods understandingly. It worked!

It's time to change the topic of conversation. "So, about this morning… Were you able to sort out your confusion? I know you were really worried about whether or not you were actually gay."

"…I lied this morning," Tomoki confesses. Lots of that happening today. "I said I didn't know about the kiss and if it really affected me but the truth is, it _did _work for me. I enjoyed the kiss about as much as I enjoyed the sex, maybe a little less because I am a hormonal teenage guy."

I still love that humor of his. "So, are you saying you're gay or bi now?"

"No…," Tomoki shakes his head. I try to hide my disappointment and puzzlement. "If you phrase it like that, it implies that I suddenly became gay or bi. No, I think I was always bi because I've had interests and temptations before you but I was simply too afraid to admit it. So, I'm not 'saying I'm gay or bi now', I'm saying I've always been this way."

"That's… great," I exhale. I couldn't believe how happy I felt when I heard him say that. Maybe I was scared that I pushed him into making this decision of going out with me. "One more thing, how long will it be until we can actually have sex again?"

The look he gave me showed disapproval but I knew that he expected this from me. "When I feel like I'm ready to do it again," he answers. "You can't possibly be _that_ impatient can you? If you're horny, then just jerk off like a normal guy."

Oh? "So, how often did you jerk off considering you've never had sex before last night?" I decide to ask. I love seeing how flustered he looks when he realized what I asked. He's just too cute! "Do you do it to porn? Hentai? Doujinshi?"

"That's not important!" Tomoki coughed. "Why don't we go to your place to bring your stuff here?"

"Wait, so you really want me to move in with you?"

"Is that wrong?"

"No… It's just that… Right now?"

Tomoki tilts his head to the side as he tries to figure me out before dead panning. "You're turned on right now, aren't you?"

I looked away. "Maybe…"

"How?"

"Your cute face."

"I don't think that would be enough."

"When we kissed, it really excited me and now… I can't bring it back down," I chuckle nervously. That was when Tomoki notices the tent I've pitched in my cramped jeans. For any of the ladies reading this, that is not comfortable in the slightest. Probably one of the worst feelings but it's worse if we're out in public. Adjustments are not easy to do out there. Or at least not stealthily anyway.

Tomoki sighs and kneels down, his face only centimeters away from my crotch. He unhooks my belt and unzips my jeans. He's not actually going to do what he's about to, is he? He must've been able to tell that I felt confused again because he pauses and looks up at me.

"I'm not ready to have full-out sex again but I can at least fix this little problem," Tomoki shyly tells me.

God, he is just too cute! "Are you sure?" I question. "I mean, as far as I know, this is going to be your first time…"

Tomoki gave a slight nod as he unveils my hard cock. I could tell that he was really nervous so I decided to guide him through it a little.

I brushed my hand through his brown hair and gently pulled him closer to my hot, throbbing member. "Just take it slow. I'm not expecting you to deep throat or anything."

Tomoki nods as he tenderly grabs my cock with one hand and puts his lips around it. In all honestly, it's been a while since I last had a blowjob too and he wasn't that bad for his first time. I could feel his tongue wrapping around my dick as he moved forward and back along the first half of it.

I release a couple moans of pleasure which was a good enough signal as any to show Tomoki that he was doing a decent job. About another minute into it and I realized that he was no longer sucking but licking around the base which felt just as good, if not, better than before. He even decided to suck on one of my balls a little before going back to sucking. I realize a little too late how close I am to reaching my climax.

"Shit! I'm–!" Too late. But it's enough of a warning for Tomoki to pull his head back but not before I came all over his face and a little bit into his mouth. "Sorry…"

Tomoki rubs my seed off of his face and starts spitting. "Ugh, that tastes awful…" He rubs his mouth, trying to get the taste of my semen out of his mouth.

"Really?" I blink. I help him up and lick some of my markings off of his cheek. "I like the taste, even if it is my own."

"It's too salty for me…," Tomoki coughs as he goes for a towel in the kitchen. "Next time, give me an earlier warning."

"Sorry…," I say again as I grab a tissue and wipe off the rest of the leaking cum off my dick before putting it back in my pants. "I zoned out. You're not half bad with giving blowjobs. Are you sure that was your first time?"

"I'm pretty sure," he nods after washing his face. "Do you actually swallow that stuff though?"

"Usually," I nod before planting a small kiss on his lips. "I don't really care if you hate the taste of my semen but what about my cock? Did you at least enjoy tasting that?"

Tomoki pauses and kisses me again. "Admittedly, I did. It was really warm and smelled really musky, not bad for someone who prefers to sit around the couch rather than do actual exercise." Ouch. A compliment mixed with an insult, how typical of him.

"You can be such a tsundere," I chuckled.

"I know," he replies before throwing my keys over to me into my open palm. "Now come on, I thought you wanted to move in."

I almost forgot. "Right." I threw an arm over his shoulders but unlike the previous arm draping, this one was intimate and flirtatious. "So, out of curiosity, where do you want me to sleep? I was thinking there was enough space on your bed for a cozy cuddling before sleeping."

"Don't get your hopes up," he shoots back but I could tell he was perfectly fine with having me sleep in the same bed.

-X-

I heave a sigh of relief once I was done talking to my landlady about letting me out of my lease. Lucky for me, she had a niece who was a major fan of Izumi and guess who had a couple of autographed Izumi merchandise in case a situation like this ever arose? Indirectly thanks to Izumi, I was able to get out of my lease and now I can go back to my (former) apartment to finish packing everything up.

I walk back into the apartment to find Tomoki sitting on the living room floor staring at an assortment of my belongings in front of him. Many of the belongings were incredibly perverted meaning gay porn magazines, dildos, other various sex toys including ropes used for bondage, and of course, porn DVDs. I actually forgot that I had all of this stuff just lying around but then again, I didn't exactly have the time to hide any of this.

"Why the hell do you need all of this stuff if you go around having sex with random guys all the time?" Tomoki asks me as I kneel down beside him.

"I'm a pretty big pervert," I respond as if he doesn't know that already. "But hey, none of this stuff counts as cheating on you if I use them, so it's okay for me to keep them, right? And if you want, when you're ready, you can go ahead and use these too."

I just love seeing him blush like that. "I don't want to use these! Why do you have harnesses for bondage anyway?"

"Some of my clients are into some sadistic shit," I reply. "And well, I'm not light on masochism. Sometimes it gets into the opposite roles but I'm not much of a sadist. Well, I like having people beg but that's pretty much it."

Tomoki looks like he's having a migraine and I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that he fell into the world of _Fifty Shades of Grey_. Hey, the only fantasy scene I want to reenact from that book is the part where the protagonist is getting a job right out of college. Besides, it's a straight couple, as if I could keep reading that crap without wanting to puke.

"Please… Throw these out… I'm fine with you keeping the rest but put it someplace where I don't have to see it," Tomoki sighs.

"No problem," I promise. I can live without BDSM material anyway.

And with that, we move along, packing my stuff into boxes and moving them into the trunk of our cars. I handled all of the perverted stuff and decided that my S&M stuff would be given to a pen pal as an early Christmas gift. He's an extremely masochistic American boy who I've never met in real life but always wanted to fuck. He wanted the same but he'll just have to take my gift as an apology for not being able to have sex. Eh, he'll understand, he knows all about how hopelessly I've fallen for Tomoki.

"What are you looking at?" Tomoki asks as he put the last box in his car.

"You…," I said in response as I walk up to him and kissed him right in the middle of the street, not caring who saw us together. "I love you Tomoki. I don't expect you to reply with the same but I just wanted to let you know."

Tomoki pulls away from me, not because he didn't want to be near me but unlike me, he's not comfortable with PDA yet.

He doesn't reply to what I said and that's okay with me because I don't expect a reply from him yet. "Let's go back to the apartment," he says quietly.

I'm not afraid of ruining anything just yet. It's too early to think about that. I know how I feel and I now have some idea of how Tomoki feels about me. One day, I hope he'll say that he loves me too but for now, I'm just so happy to have him in my life.

"Yeah…," I nod as I get into my car. "Let's go home."

Let's go back home and stay there forever. Those are the types of things I want to say to Tomoki but I can't because I know he's not ready to hear them just yet. I'm impatient but for him, I can wait. I _will_ wait. Because I love Tomoki Himi.


	5. In The Morning

When I awoke this morning, there was something hard and pointy poking my leg. Knowing exactly what it is, I kick the owner of it off my bed and onto the hardwood floor with an admittedly satisfying thud.

"Ow!" Shinya yelps. "What was that for?"

"Your morning wood waking me up at six in the morning," I reply irately. I'm almost never in a good mood in the morning. Luckily, Shinya already knew that.

Shinya crawls back into bed and plants a kiss on my cheek. "Oh come on, you're acting as if you don't like it."

"Not if it's going to wake me up before the alarm," I yawn.

This arrangement was only settled last night, Shinya living with me in the same apartment. It's a little cramped with the two of us together but we plan to make it work. We just have to figure a few things out and we might want to invest in a bigger bed. Though that might be a bad idea considering I never know when my parents or brother will drop by unexpectedly. They'll know something is up if they see one large bed with two tenants.

"Sorry, sorry," Shinya mutters as he stretches himself out. "Well, there's no way I'm going back to sleep now. But there's also no way I plan on walking around this apartment with my boner bothering me like this. Do you think…?"

I stare at him incredulously. "You're kidding… You're that horny after just waking up?"

"Have you met me?"

Sometimes, Shinya really gets on my nerves. And for anyone wondering, this isn't endearing in anyway, it's just annoying and honestly, a little pathetic. But I was aware of it when I signed up so I guess it's my own fault for forgetting.

"You're going to have to settle for your hands," I say to him. He decided to leave his most perverted items right next to the bed so I grab a pornographic DVD without looking at the cover and toss it over to him. "Here, use this but don't get anything on the bed."

"Kay!" he smiles goofily as I leave the room.

That guy... Honestly, I'm not sure how we're going to make this relationship work between us. I've had three lovers before but they were all female and two of them didn't last very long. As for Shinya, his only experience in a romantic relationship was with a guy who was always being used. Shinya still went around as he always did, sleeping with countless men despite being in that relationship. I wasn't going to let him do that in this one but what if he got bored with me? I didn't want that. But I didn't want him to give his body away on a silver platter.

So, we're inexperienced lovers trying to make something work when we barely know what to do. It would take a miracle for us to work out.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking so pessimistically though.

Those were my thoughts as I was drying my hair and walking back into my room for a new set of clothes. I found a nude Shinya in bed, watching a porno on my laptop, jerking off, and about to shove one of his dildos up his ass.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I shout. I knew that I was red all over but to think that Shinya could be this shameless was beyond me.

"Well, you told me to do it," he chuckles.

"Yeah, when I left the house!"

"It can't wait that long."

"Unbelievable."

-X-

What he was doing didn't bother me so much. As a matter of fact, I ended up getting an erection with seeing him so kinky but it's really not the time for that. I've told myself several times that I would wait until I was ready again, and not just because I was feeling horny.

But once again, thanks to my lover, I ended up feeling distracted in class again. I couldn't focus at all. I sure hope this kind of thing won't happen often.

I made a decision as I was going back to my apartment after class. Shinya and I need to go on a date so that we could really learn to understand each other. The problem is, where would we go where we wouldn't be come controversial topic? I definitely don't feel like going to some gay-exclusive place like Shinya has done before, whether they're bars or any other place.

"Shinya?" I call as soon as I enter the apartment.

I forgot… He doesn't come home until later. He chose afternoon classes so he wouldn't have to wake up early as many of his clients prevent him from doing that. But now, we've become like the old saying 'two ships passing in the night'. We'd both have time in the evening and early morning but still… I wanted to see him now.

I suddenly felt the weight of emptiness fall on me. You'd think that emptiness would feel like nothing but it's the opposite. It's like a heavy cinderblock weighing down your soul, tugging on it and reminding you that you're alone. I hate that feeling.

What do I do now?

As if to answer my unvoiced question, there was a knock at the door.

"Hold on," I say. I walk over to the door and open it to find the worst surprise in the world. My brother. Shit.

"Tomoki!" Yutaka smiles when he sees me.

I'm able to fake the enthusiasm of seeing my older brother by greeting him the same way and giving him a hug. But the problem is, my room is filled with merchandise from the gay porn and sex toy industry. If Yutaka saw that, I think I'd just die on the spot. But the worst part would be that Yutaka would tell my parents and probably drag me away from here, away from Shinya.

"What made you decide to drop by so suddenly?" I ask.

"Eh?" he blinked as if it should've been obvious. "You didn't listen to your messages? I left you one last night."

I hadn't checked my phone since last night. I left it on the counter before going to move Shinya's stuff to my place. As I glance over to it in the kitchen, I notice a piece of paper with Shinya's sloppy scrawl on it.

"I guess I forgot," I chuckle as I pick up my phone. I secretly read the note which said that Shinya knew Yutaka was coming and he tidied up the place before going to class. Thank God. I crumple it up and drop it into the trash can nearby.

"What was that?" Yutaka ask.

"An old paper, it's just scrap now," I lie. "So, instead of checking the message now, why did you want to come by?"

"Well, I was just in town so I thought I'd drop in on you for a visit," Yutaka replies as he takes a good look around the apartment. I take a moment to wonder where Shinya hid all of the boxes with all of his stuff.

"How long are you going to be in town?" I inquire.

"I'm not sure," he shrugs. "It all depends on how well the meeting goes. So, how have you been doing?"

"Honestly? I've been better," I chuckle.

Yutaka isn't a bad guy when you get to know him past his homophobia. He's usually pretty serious and prior to my adventures in the Digital World, he was kind of a douche in my eyes. But I was a spoiled brat and once I got over that, he suddenly became a bit nicer to me. He was still kind of a dick to Takuya and the others though. He only seemed to get along with Kouichi and Junpei, probably because they can talk about smarter things or whatever.

"Really? What's been happening?" he asks as he sits down on the couch, loosening his tie.

"You know, the usual stuff, cramped classes and cramming for exams," I answer. I couldn't really tell him about my romantic troubles concerning Shinya. "Take off the monkey suit, or at least the jacket, and make yourself at home. I'll get some tea ready and then we'll talk."

"Earl Grey."

"I know the drill."

The two of us did the usual things brothers do when we haven't seen each other in a while. We try to catch up on what's been happening. Apparently nothing much has changed for either of us since the last time we saw each other but it was still fun just talking about silly things like old memories and people we've met.

The most interesting part of our conversation was when he started talking about this girl who asked him out. Knowing Yutaka, she was probably after him for weeks but he was too dense to notice. I felt sorry for her despite not knowing her. But it sounds like they're going on their first date after he gets back.

"Lucky you," I tease.

Yutaka laughs before asking the inevitable question. "What about you? Any girls you're interested in or vice versa?"

It's like having a conversation with your mother. "No not really." This isn't technically a lie since Shinya's not a girl. I'm not good with lying so I'm glad I don't have to move around this question like a minefield.

"Really?" he blinks. Once again, he was acting as if it's a big surprise. "What about that girl, um… Rosa was it?"

"She was only in Tokyo for an abroad program," I tell him. "She's already back in Mexico. That's pretty much old news now."

"How old?"

"Um… Eight months ago?"

Wow, I guess a few more things have changed than I thought. Rosa was my most serious girlfriend and I don't mean serious as in a characteristic. She was really peppy and liked to laugh a lot, not to mention joke around with me. But then she had to go back to her home country. We tried to maintain our relationship but we both knew that it just wasn't possible. We broke up in the end but we're still in contact with each other.

"Why didn't you tell me?" my brother questions.

"Maybe because I don't need to keep you updated on my life," I grin coyly.

He raises his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, I know I can be a bit of a helicopter sibling sometimes."

"Well, 'a bit' and 'sometimes' are understatements," I chuckle.

"I get it," he laughs.

My phone starts ringing and when I check the caller ID, I saw that it was Shinya. According to the time, he should've gotten out of his last class about an hour ago. I'm not one who worries but that's what I'm doing right now. After all, the school is only a fifteen minute walk from my apartment.

I glance at Yutaka before getting up. "Hang on. I got to take this."

"Who is it?" Yutaka asks.

"It's… Shinya."

Yutaka's facial expression changes for just a split second, I could see the disgust that was there before it reverted back to neutral. He doesn't mean anything personal by it and is partially okay with me hanging out with him. But of course, he doesn't really like Shinya either way.

"Right…," Yutaka huffs. "Go ahead."

I move closer to the kitchen before actually answering the phone. "Hey, what's up?"

There was a short pause on the other line before I heard his voice. It sounded strained, like he was trying to put on that happy façade. "_Hey, is your brother still there?_"

"Um… Yeah, he is. What's wrong? You don't sound like yourself right now."

"_It's nothing, really. I, uh, just got into a bit of a scuffle._"

"You got into a fight?" I blanch. It's not hard to translate what he says into what he means and I had a pretty good idea of what this 'bit of a scuffle' is all about. "What happened? God, you didn't say anything too 'embracing' to a couple of bigots did you?" This has a happened to him before and while I support him in every way whenever he says what he says, I still don't think he should say things that could get him physically hurt.

"_I'm fine_," he chuckles weakly. "_Just… give me a call when your brother heads home so that I can do the same. I don't want to be there if he is._"

I shake my head despite the fact that he couldn't see it. "I'll tell him to go back to his hotel and then I'll pick you up. Where are you right now?"

After some arguing, I was able to convince him to let me pick him up. He had run off and hid in an alleyway next to a local bar, which was, thankfully, not far from here. I quickly end the call and walk over to my waiting brother in the living room.

"What happened? You sounded really worried," Yutaka tells me before examining me up and down. "And you _look_ rather worried too."

"I'm fine but, um… Yutaka, I need to go pick up Shinya and take him home so I'll have to see you some other time," I explain. "It was really great seeing you again." I don't usually like to rush people out of my home like this but Shinya and I can agree that we don't want Yutaka around whenever Shinya is.

"What's the big rush?" he inquires. "Can't you just pick him up, drop him off, and then come back? I promise I won't steal anything."

Can I really tell Yutaka that I'm living with a guy he hates? Well, my lover's current situation is more important than my older brother's conservative opinions right now. Right? I mean, I know that family is forever but sometimes, you need to sever that thread for a while. I can just fix it later.

"Actually… Shinya and I are living together at the current moment," I say, bracing myself.

I could see the look of shock register on his face before he glossed it over with another neutral expression. No, I'm wrong. He doesn't look indifferent. He looks mad. At me? At Shinya? I don't know but I do know that he's mad at one of us.

"Did he try anything?" he asks.

I know what he's asking. "No…" And I have to lie again.

"Why are you two living together?"

"It's… easier to pay rent and he comes by all the time anyway."

"I see… Then go pick him up. I'll go back to my hotel."

I nod as he picks up his stuff and puts his blazer back on. Yutaka was never the easiest person to talk to about certain subjects, that hasn't changed since I came back from the Digital World. He likes to evade them and pretend that it doesn't matter. When will I have to tell him that it does matter?

I'm a guy, going out with another guy. We had sex with each other. Both of these are things, which in my brother's eyes, are something a decent person shouldn't ever do. And I know I can't hide it from him and the rest of my family forever. So when he finds out, he's just going to have to understand. At least I hope that's what they'll try to do.

"I'll see you some other time," I say as he leaves. At least he didn't slam the door, that's what he did when he marched into his room after I shouted that he was being an idiot for kicking Shinya out of the house after that dinner a few years back.

But this isn't the time to be thinking about awful memories. I grab my car keys and rush out the door. I have to go pick up Shinya.

-X-

I only realize how dark it had gotten when I park next to the bar and get out. It was fucking freezing and because I rushed out, I didn't put on the proper outerwear for being outside. But I only cared for the first few seconds the brisk air hit me. I move towards the alleyway and see him on the concrete ground, nursing various wounds on his body.

"Shinya!" I say as I kneel down beside him. "What the hell happened to you?" He's covered with bruises and judging from the way he was clutching his stomach, I could guess that he was hit there a couple of times as well.

"Nothing," he croaks out, flashing me that smile of his. Doesn't he know he's not going to fool anyone in his condition?

"Why do I even try?" I mutter softly as I help him to his feet. I had to get him out of the cold first so I let him lean on me as he limps into the passenger seat of my car. Once I get into the other side and turn on the heat, I look at him. "Tell me what happened."

"I already told you," Shinya shrugs. His smile's gone now. "Nothing happened."

"Bullshit. Who do you think you're trying to fool?" I inquire.

He sinks down in the seat, knowing I was right. "Can we just talk about this at home?"

I know what he's trying to do, once he had more room back at the apartment, he would feign physical and possible emotional trauma. I would then end up pampering him and forgetting all the questions I was supposed to ask him. I wouldn't fall for it but I'm not going to waste my time with him.

"Tell me what happened to you…," I press firmly but softly.

Shinya turns to look me in the eye. He presses his forehead into my shoulder and I could feel him quivering. Was he crying? "I don't want you getting involved in something majorly stupid because of me," he sniffs. "It doesn't involve you…"

"If it had something to do with your sexuality, then it definitely involves me," I reply as I tilt his head up. He really is crying, he never let stuff like this get to him before. "Did you forget that we're going out now? If something happens to you, then you need to tell me. And never tell me that it has nothing to do with me. Whether I'm your friend or your boyfriend, it will _always _involve me. So stop acting like you're alone in this."

"…I know I'm not," he coughs. "Can I have some water?"

I hand him the water bottle I always keep in the car. "Are you going to tell me happened?"

He nodded while chugging down what was left in the bottle. "Of course…"

"So?"

-X-

We both sit on my bed while Shinya toys around with my laptop, playing various music videos to make himself feel better. They were mostly American artists, especially ones with a history of supporting the LGBTQ community such as Lady Gaga, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, or Demi Lovato. Both of us love these artists but we also both know that he binge listens to them when he's feeling down.

"You've watched 'Really Don't Care' about seventeen times now," I remark when he hits the replay button again.

"I know…," he replies solemnly.

I've never seen him like this and he's faced plenty of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse before. He hasn't even cried since the time his parents had temporarily kicked him out after he came out. So I know this must be one of the worst days of his life.

My grip on my arm becomes tighter as I watch him wipe away another stray tear. Tadashi is a fucking asshole. I've never hated anyone so much in my life before. I doubt that even Lucemon could come close to the distaste I had for my upperclassman at this very moment.

"We should go to the police or someone with authority," I finally said. "We can't just let Tadashi think he can do what he pleases."

"No," Shinya shakes his head. "Do you really think an authoritative figure would care about someone like me?"

"What the fuck are you saying?" I gape. "This guy physically assaulted you! I may not study law, but I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that. And they're cops, they're job is to protect the defenseless and those in need."

"And what did they do for Izumi seven years ago?" Shinya retorts bitterly.

I stiffen. Of all the things he could've possibly brought up, this was the most convincing piece of evidence to his claim.

Seven years ago, when Izumi was sixteen, she was walking home and some thugs jumped her. They had tried to sexually assault her but she was able to beat them up. Junpei wasn't the only one who felt he needed to train himself so that when he reunited with his spirits, they would be proud of him. We all went though some form of self-defense training.

Unfortunately, a week after that first incident, the same thugs jumped her again but they snuck up on her. She was knocked out and then they tried to rape her. Thankfully, Kouji was just coming home from karate club and he saw them. He was able to scare them away and then he took Izumi to the police so that they could report it.

The police they had gone to… They laughed. I had heard about it but thought it was only a rumor. Japan is infamously known for the police mistreatment of foreigners. Whenever tourists come to the authorities to report a rape, assault, burglary, or any crime of any sort, they're usually brushed off.

Izumi must've looked like a tourist rather than a legal citizen to those jerks. But luckily, there were a few cops at the station doing their job properly. They asked Izumi some questions and promised to get the criminals responsible as soon as possible.

A few months later, Kouji got a call that they were apprehended the assailants but it didn't matter much. The Orimotos had moved back to Italy after their daughter's close call. Without anyone to press charges, those assholes were let go. This spurred Kouji on to going to law school, disappearing for a few years to study, and returning as a prosecuting attorney.

As for Izumi, she soon became an idol, starting in Hollywood and sharing her story with the world. It brought attention to Japan's police force and things are starting to change.

That was essentially my argument to Shinya. "This is different!"

"Well once they start asking questions like 'why did Tadashi attack me', they'll ignore me! They won't care about a fag like me…," Shinya snaps. He shuts off the laptop and buries his head in his knees.

Whenever he insults himself like that, then it means he's in even worse condition than I believed. "You really are an idiot," I sigh.

But I can't force him to do something that he doesn't want to do. If he's determined to avoid taking this to the authorities, then I simply can't make him.

"…I'll be fine," Shinya whispers.

"I still think you're an idiot," I repeat. But then I remember something I had been thinking about earlier that day. "Shinya… Do you want to go somewhere this weekend?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere… I just want to be with you."

"Like on a date?"

I put my hand over his. "It's been on my mind for a while. I want to go out…"

Shinya musters up a small smile. "I think I have a good place in mind."

"Good…," I smile. I let a short moment of silence pass between us before giving him one soft kiss on the lips. "I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning…"

"Yeah… I'll see you in the morning. Night."

"Night."


	6. Bumps and Bruises

"Tomoki forgot his phone" I notice.

I pick it up and accidentally turn it on, showing a missed message notification from Yutaka. I know I'm not supposed to listen to other people's messages but what if the message is something about that guy visiting? I know Tomoki wouldn't want his older brother to see all of my junk in the apartment. Not to mention the sex toys I left in Tomoki's room. That would be embarrassing and awkward and just about hundred other feelings all at once.

I listen to the message and my gut instinct turned out to be right. I look back at all of the boxes containing my belongings and wonder where to hide them.

I end up stuffing everything I could into closets and drawers that still had space. The rest of the boxes, I would have to take somewhere else and I knew exactly where. It would be like killing two birds with one stone with this idea anyway.

I stuff them into the trunk of my car and drive off to the not-so-vacant lot nearby where construction work was happening. After parking upon arrival, I step out of my car, take a brief moment to admire the sweaty muscular bodies at work, and then call out, "Hey, Junpei!"

Junpei literally jumps a couple of centimeters. I have never seen him caught so off guard before and it surprised the hell out of me.

"D-Don't scare me like that!" he snaps.

It's really cute to see a big guy like him say something like that. Hey, I promised to remain faithful, I never said that I wouldn't fantasize or daydream.

"Oh, calm down," I chuckle as I walk up to him. Damn… He's taller than I remember. I can tell because it feels like my neck feels as though it's going to snap in half from looking up. "By the way, how tall are you again?"

Junpei blinks. "Um… I think last time I checked, 191 centimeters." For those of you unaware, that's the equivalent to over 6 feet and 3 inches.

This guy… Why is he so freakishly huge?! He could be on the cover of a bara magazine!

Why was I here again? Oh, right. "Hey, Junpei, is it okay if I keep some of my stuff like right here?" I ask, gesturing towards the foreman's area. "It'll only be for a little while. Maybe a couple of hours."

Junpei opens his mouth to answer when some 200 cm tall man appeared behind him. I catch a glimpse of the man lightly grope Junpei's ass. Junpei yelps again and he pivots his head around to glare at the stranger who's laughing. "Kariya-san! Will you get back to work and stop harassing me?" He's blushing madly.

My mind begins spurring into action. Tomoki had mentioned that he learned something interesting when he had come here yesterday, could this relationship be it? After all, he also mentioned that he might not be able to tell me. And my theory was certainly among the list of things that Junpei wouldn't want me to know.

"Oh come on, you know I can't help it Jun-chan," Kariya laughs.

This guy is even burlier than Junpei, and being the pervert that I am, my imagination becomes a gay porno shoot. Their sex was just a twisted ball of muscle and, even though I couldn't tell through their clothes, I picture hair as well. Either way, two studs having sex is enough to make me hard even if it goes in my mind. Oh geez… And I just got off this morning.

I have to distract myself from my erotic daydreams. "So… Jun-chan…"

Junpei tenses up when I call him that. It's clear that he doesn't like being referred to by that nickname. Admittedly, it was cute but Jun-chan evidently disagrees.

"Don't call me that," Junpei warns me before returning his glare to the older man. "Look, I'm still mad at you for what you did last night and I really don't want to deal with you right now. Get back to work or I'll really fire you."

He's serious. Kariya sees it too and he looks really guilty all of a sudden. "I already said I'm sorry… Why can't you just forgive me?"

Junpei turns away from his employee and puts his focus on me. "Yeah, you can put your stuff over there. Just be careful not to get in the way of any of the workers."

I nod as I watch a sulking Kariya mope back to work. I feel kind of bad for him but it's not really my problem. I ask Junpei to help me bring my stuff over and with the two of us together; we successfully brought everything over to the foreman's table in just five short minutes.

"Don't you think you were kind of harsh to Kiraya-san?" I inquire. "I mean, you seem to have unmotivated him from doing his job properly."

Junpei looks over to the older man and saw that he did seem really distracted and depressed. The foreman sighed as if this was a problem he had to deal with before. "I'll apologize and talk to him about it. But first… There's something I want to ask you."

I blink. "What is it?"

He points a finger to the open box with my 'toys', magazines, DVDs, and doujinshis. "What the hell is all of that doing in plain sight?!"

"I guess that would be kind of disturbing and mentally scarring for your workers," I grin innocently. "I guess I can just keep it in the trunk of my car instead."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea," Junpei nods before the same idea struck the both of us. I could've just left all of my stuff inside the trunk. As we both groaned, another thought hit me, I never actually told Junpei why I was leaving my stuff here but he was allowing me to do so anyway.

So while the older man was rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation, I decide to bring it up. "I didn't even tell you why I needed space to leave my stuff, huh…"

"You moved in with Tomoki and Yutaka is coming to visit him after school," Junpei says without looking up.

I'm shocked that he knew. "Does being part Digimon mean you have psychic powers?"

"No," Junpei answers. "Yutaka dropped by this morning. He told me his plans to visit Tomoki and I already heard from Tomoki what happened between you two. And now I'm assuming that you two decided to try out being lovers and you moved in with him. Now, you're bringing your stuff somewhere else so that when Yutaka visits, he won't be suspicious."

"Wow…" I had to say I was impressed by his deduction skills.

"Geez, just talking to you is exhausting. How will Tomoki ever survive with a lover like you?"

"I don't know how Kariya will survive with someone as cold as you," I retort.

Junpei seems a little surprised that I said that. "Kariya-san and I… aren't lovers…"

"You're not?"

He shakes his head. "I'm his employer and that's almost all there is to it."

"I see…" I didn't really, but it seems they're relationship is rather complicated.

I got to work on putting the boxes back into my car but I decided to leave it parked here for now. I don't think Yutaka knows what my car looks like but it's better to be safe than sorry. I left Junpei too work as I got ready for school. And that means confronting Tadashi about cancelling the boxing team's appointment. They're going to have to find another way to end their sexual frustrations.

-X-

Classes were boring as always but after class is when the non-boring stuff happens. As soon as I leave the literature building, I see Tadashi talking with a couple of his friends. I walk up to them and automatically, I could feel the atmosphere shift into subzero temperatures.

One of Tadashi's friends is a bigger bigot than a conservative in Russia from the 1920s. Another isn't a conservative but he thinks that what gays do is unsanitary and disgusting. This is what I like to call the 'logical' standpoint because it makes more sense than any other. Yes, that's right. I know that male on male sex is gross to most heterosexuals and I've gotten over it. But he's also one of my clients since he's in the boxing club so he's just a bag full of shit.

Tadashi notices me and immediately laughs as if I'm a walking joke. "Well, if it isn't the little fag! What? You couldn't wait for the appointment so you decided to drop by early? I suppose I can give you a little treat if you beg for it."

The conservative Russian from the 1920s scoffs in disgust. "I'll talk to you later Tadashi." He gives me one last venomous glare before walking off. And here I thought we really hit it off. I already got us plane tickets to Hawaii so I can toss him into a volcano.

"Actually, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow," I reply calmly.

"What? Are you too busy to come? If so, there's nothing wrong with postponing it to right before the match on Friday" he says.

Wow, this guy's a bigger dick than I remember. See, that sentence can be manipulated into something completely different. You just need to add the word 'got' in there and boom! Perverted sentence and possibly appropriate if I went through with having sex with him.

"No, I want to cancel the appointment all together," I correct. "I'm not interested in being your toy anymore."

Tadashi starts laughing but stops when he sees that I'm serious. He glares at me but I'm unfazed. At least, I seem like it outwardly, inside, I was thinking about shitting my pants. This guy was built like a brick house. I mean, he wasn't as muscular as Junpei but I could tell that he could beat me into an ugly pulp. Something Kouji could do if you seriously pissed him off. So… Let's recap, this guy isn't as physically strong as Junpei but he is as threatening as Kouji. There…

"What the fuck are you saying? You're the school's fag slut," Tadashi growls, literally growls, at me.

"Well… Not anymore," I shrug nonchalantly. If I can't land a career in Japan, I should seriously consider moving to Hollywood and making it big there. My acting is on fire. I should ask Izumi. "You guys can probably find someone else to take my place. I'm sure there are plenty of desperate guys looking to be boned by a bunch of assholes." And then, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I say this. "Unless you're looking for girls, in which case, you guys might want to try hiring an escort."

Tadashi's lackey starts glaring at me now. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm just wondering, how many times can you fuck a guy and still keep saying you're straight?" I smirk. Shit. Stop talking!

Tadashi grabs me by my collar and pulls me closer to his face so that I can see the fire raging in his eyes. I really pissed him off. "You calling us fags?"

This is really bad but I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut. Stupid pride! "I'm only implying it…" And again, because I have the chance to say it, I say it. "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

That tips him over the edge; he punches me across the face, sending me flying backwards a meter or two. I skid onto the concrete and it burns my back like crazy. I try to get back up but then Tadashi steps on my chest, pushing me back down and having the back of my head bump the ground a bit. The goon walks over and kicks my side.

"You better watch that filthy mouth of yours," Tadashi snarls.

My response is to give them a weak smile while trying to keep both my eyes open. "Funny, I thought you liked doing that for me." I don't want them getting to me. I don't want to admit defeat by doing absolutely nothing against them. The only thing I had to use against them was my words. And they only exacerbated my situation.

"You're a piece of shit, you fag," the goon grumbles as he continues kicking me.

I'm still on campus so I hold on to the ray of hope that a teacher would come over and stop this ruthless beating. But most were still inside, weren't they? I guess I just have to wait. But I didn't have to do that for long as I heard another student run over. I think it's Maehara, I sit next to him in the class we just had.

"Stop it, you two!" Maehara shouts at them.

The boxing club members let go of me and squinting at the blurry figures above me. I could see that Maehara clearly dwarfed in size in comparison to Tadashi and his friend. If Maehara says the wrong thing, he could end up in the hospital and it'll be all my fault.

"What; are you the fag's boyfriend?" Tadashi scoffs. "I bet you are, or you wouldn't be protecting someone like him."

"Yeah, just stay out of the way unless you want to get hurt," the other guy says. I still can't remember his name.

Maehara's shaking and it shows in his voice but it doesn't look like he's about to stand down. This guy is pretty tough. I have to remember to thank him later.

"I'm not going to stand by and watch you beat someone up. It wouldn't matter if it was Kanbara-kun or anyone else for that matter!" Maehara snaps. "Shinya's way cooler than you royal assholes anyway."

I notice the way Tadashi's shoulder was drawing back and I immediately use my strength to push myself off the ground. I slam my weight into Tadashi, catching him off balance before running off, racing in a different direction from home. I'm not about to run back to Tomoki's apartment and have them beat him up as well.

"Kanbara-kun!" Maehara calls after me.

I don't look back. I don't have to. I know that Tadashi and the goon are chasing me. And I know that I have to get away from them.

I keep running until I find an alleyway to disappear into after cutting a few corners. I'm gasping for air as I lean back against the wall. I fall to my ass and clutch the bruises on my body while trying to ignore the stench of the dumpster beside me. I watch as Tadashi runs past the alley and I wait a couple of eternal minutes before calling for help. Before calling Tomoki…

-X-

I wake up the next morning next to one of my two saviors. I think this is the first time I've woken up before Tomoki but then again, I did go to sleep before him. I'd felt him tossing and turning even while I was asleep. He was that worried about me huh…

"Tomoki… You're going to be late for class if you don't get up now," I say quietly. I shake him gently until his eyes flutter open.

"It's morning already?" he groans. "It feels like I fell asleep only a few minutes ago."

I chuckle lightly. I'm still not in the mood for big laughs right now but I could still smile at the very least. I guess that means I'm still functional. "You probably did…"

"I'm going to get breakfast ready," Tomoki yawns as he gets up. "I'll cook up your favorite while I'm at it."

"You don't have to do that," I try to stop him but he insists, so I let him. When he comes back with a tray of my favorite pancakes, a cream cheese bagel, and a glass of orange juice, I clutch onto his sleeve. "Hey, do you think it would be okay if I stayed home today?"

Tomoki grins. "Just because I serve you breakfast in bed doesn't make me your parent. Go ahead… You could use the rest. You still look like shit."

"Funny, I feel better than shit."

"And how does shit feel?"

"Probably really shitty."

Tomoki smiles, I can tell that he's relieved that I'm not as depressed as I had been last night. Then again, the idea of going on a first date with my adorable Tomoki definitely brightened up my mood significantly. "I'll be home soon, don't wait up for me." He smiles as he plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Hey… Can you do me a little favor?" I ask as he get up and picks up his bag.

"Sure, anything," is what Tomoki says but he's holding his signature frying pan in one of his hands. He didn't even walk in with it, was it just lying around in the room in case?

"What's the frying pan for? We're already lovers so none of my advances would be 'unwanted', right?" I chuckle.

"That's where you're wrong," Tomoki replies coolly. "If I catch you flirting with other men, if you openly try to have sex with me when I'm not ready or not in the mood, and if you retell any of our sexual escapades to anyone outside of this relationship, I will have to smash your skull so hard; your brains will cover these walls."

"Geez, you could make one hell of a murderer," I mutter.

Tomoki rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling so I know he's not really annoyed at me. "I'm going to be late if you keep me here any longer."

I grin. "Can you see if Maehara Hitori is around while you're at school? If he is, could you thank him for me? He was the one who helped me get away from Tadashi yesterday."

Tomoki smiles. "Then I'm going to have to thank him personally as well."

"Thanks… Good luck in school."

"I'll see you soon."

I watch Tomoki take off and then I was left alone to my own devices once again. The first thing I do is demolish the delicious breakfast that my lover had whipped up for me. Once that was done, I take a shower since I didn't feel inclined to the previous night. Once I'm cleansed, I walk over to my phone and dial a number. I don't even bother to put any clothes back on. I don't have the patience for it and I feel better in my most natural state anyway.

"Hey… Akira-chan? I was wondering…"

-X-

Tomoki comes back home and he sees me packing things into my backpack. But it isn't much so it's obvious I'm not moving out.

"Welcome back!" I greet brightly as I stand up and kiss him.

Tomoki kisses me back but he seems preoccupied by the shirts laid out all over the place. "What are you doing? Going on a trip?"

"Yup! Actually… we're _both_ going on a little trip," I smile.

"We are?" Tomoki blinks. "You're not going to drag me to visit one of your family members right? We only just became boyfriends and I've met your parents more times than I can count." He walks past me and dumps his bag on the couch.

"Actually… This trip is going to be our first date," I tell him. That catches his attention. "I told you that I already had some idea of where to go, didn't I?"

"Well… Yeah, but I wasn't expecting it to be such a big surprise."

"I just want our first date to be something special, one we'll never forget," I say, spreading my arms out wide. God, I'm getting really mushy. This is very unlike me but I'm just feeling way too giddy. I never thought that the prospect of dating would ever be more appealing to me than having sex and I'm sure Tomoki would agree. "So, pack up enough clothes for one weekend."

"Can you at least give me a clue of where we're going?" Tomoki asks. He's simply overflowing with curiosity and excitement.

"We're going to the mountains to do a little hiking," I answer vaguely as I stuff a flashlight into my backpack and zip it up. "And we're going to be staying at a bathhouse for a little bit." I continue before he can reply. "Don't worry, this isn't some convoluted and overcomplicated ploy to get you naked and then sleep with you. I honestly want to spend this weekend with you."

This is the most sincere I've ever heard myself. And again, Tomoki would agree with me. "Fine… I guess it's my own fault for suggesting the date in the first place. Speaking of which, are gay guys supposed to have a whole weekend for a first date?"

This time, I roll my eyes at him. "A first date can be anywhere and anything, stupid. As long as it's with the right people. We could go fishing, to a restaurant, clubbing, a bakery, shopping, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a date."

Tomoki smiles, and lightly hits my head with the frying pan that seemingly appeared from out of nowhere. "That… was for calling me stupid."


	7. Our First Date

I haven't been on a date in ages. In the past, I've gone to restaurants, the beach, a club, the cinema, museums, zoos, aquariums, but this is the first time I've gone on a nature walk for a date. My ex-girlfriend, Rosa, was definitely more of a nature person but I don't think she saw camping or hiking to be very romantic. And I would've never pegged Shinya to be someone who was. So is it really my fault for thinking that the whole bathhouse thing was an excuse to see me naked?

I look over to Shinya who's humming a song and practically skipping along the road. We had just gotten off the bus at our stop and we were now walking the rest of the way to our mystery destination. Well, I'm kind of relieved. He seems to be back to normal.

"Ah! We're here!" Shinya cheers.

I turn back in front of me and I see a huge wooden lodge with steam rising from the back. It's very rustic looking, that was for sure. When we get to the entrance, I notice a sign on the front door clearly stating that it would be closed for a little while.

"Um…," I begin.

"Ignore that," Shinya waved off. He spread out his arms to gesture at the entire building in triumph. "I reserved this whole place just for us!"

How did he do that? I follow him in and at the front desk; we could see the back of a small girl. She was about my height (164 cm or about 5'4'', I'm not tall, okay?), with long red hair cascading down her shoulders and back, and I could tell she was fairly thin through her baggy shirt. Even from the back, I could tell she was very pretty. Hey, if Shinya was allowed to have posters of men in various stages of undress, I can steal a glance at a pretty girl every now and then.

"Akira-chan!" Shinya greets loudly, announcing our arrival.

The girl, Akira, visibly flinches at the sound of his voice, dropping the papers she was sorting through. "Sh-Shinya-kun!" she gasps as she frantically starts picking up the papers. "Y-You're here earlier than I expected!"

Her voice doesn't really match her body type. It was kind of boyish but then again, it's not uncommon for girls to voice young boys in anime.

"Sorry about that," Shinya chuckles as he walks to the other side of the desk to help her out.

I go over and help out as well since I feel partially responsible. "Akira-san, it's nice to meet you. I'm Himi Tomoki," I greeted with a polite smile.

Akira blushes and her eyes avert me. "H-Hello… I'm Akira Sakihara…"

Shinya laughs at her timidity which seems to only redden her face further. "Don't worry; Akira-chan is just really shy around new people. Especially around cuties like you," Shinya winks at me and I end up blushing as well.

"Ah… um… Let me show you guys to your room so you can drop off your things," Akira says once we had finished cleaning up.

We grab our bags and follow her to a rather large room, the one closest to the baths. It was pretty standard though; tatami mats cover the floors, a bright light fixture hanging from the ceiling, a paper window on the opposite wall from the sliding doors, and a singular futon big enough for two on the floor.

"One futon…," I comment.

"Yup!" Shinya smiles before looking over to Akira. "Hey, do you have the surprise ready for Tomoki yet?"

I frown. "Surprise?"

"Ah," Akira blinks. "He called earlier saying that he was almost here."

As if on cue, we hear a man's voice call for Akira from the lobby. I wonder, not for the first time today, what in the world is going on in Shinya's head? Anyway, we walk back to the lobby and I almost drop to the floor, though my jaw did, I'm sure.

The muscular guy standing at the entrance was one of my idols! Pro-baseball star, Komaba Ichirou! Is this some sort of dream? How did Shinya get this to happen?

"Yo," Komaba waves to us. He seems to be friendlier than he is on TV though that may be because there's no intense game going on. I've also never really seen him in anything other than his baseball uniform. And I'm not sure if this is because I only recently acknowledged I was bi or because I simply never noticed it before, but Komaba is a stud. Like a prince from a hormone driven, high school girl's fantasy. "It's been a while Shinya."

"Yeah, it has," Shinya smiles before pushing me forward. "This is the guy I was telling you about, my lover!"

I was going to hit Shinya for saying that but I realized that if Komaba is friends with Shinya, then he wouldn't care that I'm dating him. It's funny, my conception of most jocks is that they were pretty homophobic but that doesn't seem to be the case with Komaba. I'm kind of ashamed of myself because I ended up stereotyping even though that's one of the few things I truly hate.

"Nice to meet you," Komaba grins as he shakes my hand.

I feel like I'm making a fool of myself even though I'm really doing anything. "It's a huge honor to meet you! I'm a big fan of yours!"

"So I've heard," he chuckles. "Yeah, Shinya told me and I figured that I'd swing by since I have two hours to kill in the nearby town." Komaba takes a moment to seriously look me up and down. "You seem like a good kid. Make sure that Shinya stays out of trouble because I know he gets into a lot of it."

"Believe me, I'm working on it," I laugh. "Ah, before I forget, can I get your autograph?"

"I don't mind," he shrugs.

I start thinking about what to have him sign since if he did it on my skin, it would disappear. But then, Shinya produces a poster of Ichirou Komaba, the same one that I had in my room and judging by the folds and creases, it was mine.

"I came prepared" Shinya winked at me.

Komaba signed it for me and after some more small talk with him, he had to go. Once he's gone, I turn back to Shinya. "How do you know him?" I ask.

"When I was little, I went to Hokkaido to visit my uncle all the time and he used to buy fresh milk from the Komaba farm so I became friends with Ichirou-kun," Shinya tell me with a shrug. "I actually found out that I was gay from being around him. He is such a hunk!"

Come to think of it, I wonder how he knew a lot of people. Komaba, Akira, and he probably had a mass of other connections too. But before I could ask, Shinya was ready to get our first date officially started. He snatches up our hiking gear, shouts a quick 'see ya' to Akira, and then we're off.

We spend the day on a trail in the woods. He introduces me to the many bugs and plants that make this mountain their home. I'm surprised to see how knowledgeable he is about all of this stuff. Now if only he applied himself this way in school. We even walk along a stream and had a water fight with each other.

Overall, it felt more like a fun trip between best friends rather than a romantic date between two boyfriends. Though there were moments of intimacy that brought me back to the reason we were out here. He would hold me close to him, kiss my face, and whisper little words of romanticism to me. It was all very sweet.

We sit by the stream and lean back as we watch the star-filled sky twinkle above us. I'm kind of surprised to find that so much time has already passed since our arrival. I guess it's true what they say. Time flies when you're having fun.

"You can't see the stars from the city like this," I remark.

"No… You can't," Shinya replies. "It's part of the reason why I thought this would be the perfect place for our first date."

"Why _did_ you choose this place?" I figure it couldn't only be for the stars.

There's a pause. "I wanted to get away from the city for a bit," he admits. "There was just too much going on so I figured a place where I can be alone with you would be best. It will be like a clean slate to start this relationship off."

I smile and kiss him. "That sounds really nice actually."

"I'm… not really good with the whole romantic stuff," he tells me. "But I want to try for you…"

"You don't have to try so hard," I chuckle. "It would be weird if you did. I like you for you…"

We kiss again and it was at this time that we had to go back to the bathhouse. The chirping crickets made for some very pleasant background music as we were on our way back. I feel Shinya's hand grab for mine in the dark and I let him take it, interlocking our fingers as we see the steam rising from the back of the wooden structure waiting for us.

-X-

The two of us get back at around midnight and Shinya tells me that Akira's probably asleep by now. So we get to spend as much time in the bath as we want. We leave our clothes in the little cubbies in the changing room and walk into the bath. It feels really nice and warm to be in there, relaxing too.

"Have I ever told you that you have a really nice body?" Shinya chuckles.

"Yes," I nod. "You have. Several times."

"Well, it's ridiculously true," he smiles.

We can talk about anything and still not get bored. That's what I always loved about having Shinya as a best friend; any topic of conversation will interest us. Now, as a boyfriend, that part of our relationship hasn't changed. Not much has changed really, aside from the kissing, and the hugging, and the other stuff. I really do like Shinya though.

I feel Shinya's wet arm fall on my shoulders and he pulls me closer to him as if we're just sitting on the couch. Still though, I kind of like being so close to him and feeling his warmth. Even if we are naked in a bath.

"You know, you're not that bad at being romantic," I chuckle.

"You really think so?" he sighs. "I'm glad…"

I'm seriously falling for this guy. I've never fallen in love before so I have nothing to compare this to but I have some idea of what my own feelings mean. Being with Shinya made me more than happy, he made me feel safe, wanted, and even needed. And I knew that I needed him. I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I sure as hell didn't want to lose him now, as a lover.

He must be able to tell what I was thinking because he turns my head a little so that I'm facing him and then he pulls me closer to him until I feel his soft lips press against mine. I twist my whole body until I'm practically on top of him and I wrap my arms around his neck, hands on his head, running my fingers through his hair. His hands are kept at my waist and he didn't venture around to my ass or my crotch. He just feels around my back, tracing his name into my skin while I trace mine in his hair. In a way, we were branding ourselves. We were saying that this guy that I'm holding is mine.

In this position, I'm actually taller than him but that was because he was sitting down and I'm on my knees while we're literally taking the other person's breath away.

We pull apart, just two centimeters away from each other as we stared into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Tomoki," he whispers breathlessly to me.

I hesitate for a moment, give him a light peck on the lips and deeply gaze into his eyes. "I love you too, Shinya."

His face breaks out into a wide smile but he knows me enough to know that I'm still not ready to go any further than saying those three words to each other. But that didn't seem to matter to him; sex didn't matter to him right now. All he and I, needed to know was that we had fallen for each other. That's all we need to know for now and hopefully, it will always be enough for us.

-X-

We had fallen asleep together in the futon but in the middle of the night, I wake up, feeling the urge to pee. So I get up and go to the bathroom but when I finish my business, I hear someone in the boys' changing room. This is odd. I know that Shinya's still in bed so I wonder who is in there at this hour.

I decide to do some investigating. So I walk in and turn on the light, hearing a rather familiar yelp of surprise from inside.

"Oh, it's just you Himi-san," Akira sighs in relief when she… was in the middle of undressing. And without her shirt covering her body; I could see broad shoulders and a slightly masculine torso. Akira… is a guy…

"You're… a guy?!" I accidentally blurt out.

"Huh?" he blinks. "You mean, Shinya didn't tell you?" Akira's now really embarrassed as evident by how red his entire body had become. "I'm sorry! I know I must be really disgusting to you, dressing up in girl's clothes when I'm a boy!"

"Eh? Um, no! No, no, no!" I'm shaking my head frantically. "I'm the one who should be sorry! I don't think it's wrong! I've just never met a transvestite before…"

"Really? Shinya told me that he knows about seven others aside from me…"

"Well, if it's any consolation…" I scratch my cheek sheepishly, looking away. "…you look really cute as a girl."

The blush got lighter so that it was just a bright shade of pink now. Akira gave me a small smile. "Thank you, but I'm definitely a boy," he informs me. "I have a friend who knows for a fact that she was born in the wrong body and even underwent surgery to become a boy. I'm… I just like wearing girl's clothes more than wearing boy's clothes."

"I see…," I nod, not quite understanding but having some idea.

"I feel kind of lucky to have been given an androgynous name so that I can go around in public, dressed as a girl and no one will question me about it," he smiles.

A sudden question strikes me even though I know it's rather rude to ask. "Um, out of curiosity, you don't have to tell me, but… Are you interested in boys or girls?"

"Hm?" Akira blinks and blushes. "I'm into men… Like Shinya had implied earlier."

"How do you know Shinya?"

Akira sit down, leaning his back against the cubbies and I sit down next to him, figuring it would be a long story.

Akira fiddles with his shirt as if it's the most interesting article of clothing in the world before speaking. "Shinya and I were classmates and friends all throughout grade school. Even back then, I wore feminine clothing and teased for it. One day, Shinya stood up for me when I was being harassed. We became good friends after that and we talked about almost everything. One day, I moved to the town at the base of this mountain and my parents built this bathhouse where I work full-time every weekend. Shinya and I still kept in touch though."

"Were you… ever interested in Shinya?" I find myself asking.

"Huh? Oh, no!" he quickly shake his head. "Trust me Himi-san, I only see Shinya as a friend. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any stray thoughts from time to time."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you of something."

"I know…," Akira smiled gently. I almost forgot that he was still a boy; he just made a really cute girl in my eyes. "Shinya… He became this friend that I would always turn to and count on when I found myself in trouble. So, even though I was never seriously interested in him, I want to be that kind of guy for whoever I end up with. Well, _if_ I ever find someone who's actually interested in me."

Things become silent after that as we sit there letting those last few words dissolve in the space between us.

"If you keep that mindset, I'm sure you'll find someone," I tell him, catching his attention. "To be there for someone… It sounds like something I want to do for Shinya. I want him to count on me as much as I count on him. And you… you're kind, cute, and you pretty much own this bathhouse. I don't know what guy wouldn't want to date you… Unless they were straight."

We both end up laughing at that. After he voices out his gratitude towards me for the talk and wishing me good night, I go back to the room. I creep inside and see the sleeping form of my lover and as I join him in the futon. I kiss his cheek gently and whisper in his ear, "You can always count on me…"

-X-

For the second day of our first date, we decide to go to a nearby lake. Not many people would bother coming here since it's so cold out so we have the whole place to ourselves. The two of us are just skipping stones across the clear waters while talking about nothing and everything.

I'm worried though. Shinya was back to normal yesterday but now, he seems to be a little depressed again.

"Are you okay?" I finally ask.

"Huh?" Shinya's head snaps up towards me like he hadn't really been paying attention to me. "Sorry, I was just thinking…"

"About what?" I kneel down beside him, brushing my fingers over the smooth stones we had lined up. "Come on, you can count on me for anything."

Shinya looks at me, as if searching my eyes for something to grasp, something to hold on to when everything else has given away underneath him. "I'm scared," he confesses, barely above a whisper. "What if people like Tadashi discover our relationship? What if your family does? I'm afraid that you're going to get hurt because of this… Something I may have pushed you towards and you might leave me forever because of it."

This is what he's worried about?

"I've taken beatings on your behalf before," I remind him. "Remember that one basketball playing asshole from high school?"

"I remember," he gives a small chuckle. "But, you've never been the _object_ of their anger and hatred. I'm scared of what will happen between us when you become the target for the verbal jabs as well as the physical ones. I've read stories of lovers not standing up and instead would deny it all, letting their significant other get destroyed, torn apart."

"I would _never_ do that to you," I promise him. "We've known each other for way too long for you to start thinking about these things!" I feel, almost offended, and I know that it shows in my voice.

Shinya seems to be just as surprised by my tone as I am. He smiles, happy. "You're right. I'm acting like an idiot. We came here to have fun and after everything that's happened between us, I suddenly bring in the heavy stuff." He stands back up and I follow suit. "Well, I guess it's time to lighten the mood! Let's go swimming!"

"Eh?" I blink. Had he lost his mind? "The water is absolutely freezing this time of year and neither of us bothered to bring swim trunks."

"That's not much of a problem," he chuckles as he strips down to his black and red boxer briefs.

I have to admit, he did look really sexy.

This is my last thought before he jumps right into the cold water. He quickly pulls his head out and makes a loud noise, that I'm sure traveled all the way back to the city. I'm not quite sure what he said but I could tell he was shivering.

"What wasn't much of a problem?" I laugh.

"Come on, join me, it's fun!" he calls, teeth chattering.

What am I about to get myself into? I strip down too, leaving my clothes next to his. I'm left in my white boxer briefs as I take a step into the water, gasping when I feel the cold rush up my nerves. "You are absolutely insane," I chatter, swimming over to him.

"At least we both look sexy while acting insane," Shinya chuckles as he pulls me close to him.

I blush and then I feel his hand snake its way to my back and pull me closer until our chests are touching. He places one hand to my head and I lean in towards his lips when he suddenly dunks my whole head underwater. I shoot up quickly, my face feeling numb and even though I sound angry, I'm laughing my head off.

"You really are insane!" I cough. "I can't believe you did that! The water is fucking freezing!"

"And yet you're the Warrior of Ice," Shinya laughs before apologizing.

This time, I pull him close to me and he hesitates at first but I'm planning on exacting revenge by shoving his head underwater. I just want some of his body warmth and as a little bonus, I pressed my lips against his and we float there in the water, making out with each other. Unlike in the baths, our skin is touching so it feels a bit more erotic than it should as we rub our crotches against each other. We're not numb enough to not feel it and I can feel the both of us getting hard.

"You're a lot more assertive than you used to be," Shinya remarks when we surface for air.

"And you're a lot less," I reply with a smile.

"Do you miss that?"

"Sometimes, but I like this, a whole lot better."

"Me too…"

"Really? The sex devil prefers making out over fucking?"

"Not all the time… Kissing you like this, it's really hot and I'm starting to get a little horny."

"That doesn't surprise me in the least." Besides, I'm horny too. But I'm not going to act on it no matter how badly I want it. Yet.

We swim back to shore, share one last kiss, gather our clothes, and run back to the bathhouse. We're going to need the heat from the baths to get our nerves going again. But even so, this whole weekend, has been the best date ever.


	8. People Around Me

The dreaded Monday arrives before I even realize it. I'm not looking forward to it since that means I might have to face Tadashi again. Hopefully, I can just finish my classes and hurry on home without having him notice me. But that was just wishful thinking. If he's as petty as I think he is, I have a feeling he might just be waiting for me after the last bell.

The day started out like any other school day. With Tomoki waking up, making breakfast for me, and then going to class after giving me a kiss. Okay, so it wasn't like any other school day since he kissed me. Obviously, we didn't start doing that until after we got together.

I leave the apartment about two hours before Tomoki gets home but as soon as I lock the door, I hear a mortifyingly familiar voice chuckling behind me. I sharply turn my head to see Tadashi and two of his lackeys standing at the top of the steps of the building. They were waiting for me outside of the apartment? Furthermore, they know that I'm living here? This is bad, that means they know I'm living with Tomoki.

"Well, it looks like you were right," Tadashi laughs as he looks to one of his minions.

"Told you," the guy smirks. "I saw them coming back here while holding hands last night!"

"That explains why you cancelled," Tadashi snickers. "Himi probably made you stop passing yourself around. But it won't matter, all fags are pretty much the same, you'll probably get bored of each other and search for more partners to satisfy yourselves."

I don't say anything, I just stare at them. I have no snarky remark, no witty comeback, nothing spiteful to say in response to them. I don't want to make things worse for me. But it does leave a vile taste in my mouth to stand here while they insult Tomoki.

But how do I get out of this? Those three are blocking the only exit and there is no way I'd be able to unlock the apartment and jump in without having them rush at me. "Can you guys just please leave me alone?" I mutter, loathing how weak and mouse-like it comes out.

Tadashi takes two long strides forward so that he's directly in front of me. He grabs me by my shirt collar and slams me against the door. I'm trembling and I can't stop myself. "What, you've got nothing else to say to me, bitch?" Tadashi spits in my face. He's wearing a cocky, triumphant grin on his face. "I guess you really are all talk and guess what, there's no one here to save you now."

I had almost forgotten what Maehara had done for me. "You didn't hurt him, did you?"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourself right now?" Tadashi snarls.

His arm reels back and I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for the impact that never comes. I slowly reopen my eyes to see the unsettlingly calm, smiling face of an old friend holding on to the bully's elbow. His friendly expression, his geek-chic black framed glasses, pretty boy dark blue hair, and sophisticated clothing almost made him look weak.

"Kouichi?" I blink. What's he doing here?

"Hey, Shinya," he smiles brightly. He then looks over to Tadashi, finally opening his eyes. "May I ask that you release my friend please?" Always the polite one.

I notice that Tadashi seems rather unnerved by Kouichi's strangely smooth tone. He turns over to his goons and I end up following his gaze as well and my eyes widen in shock again. I see the same face again except he has raven black hair tied into a tight ponytail with his bangs parted down the middle, he's wearing a nice crisp suit, and he's lighting a cigarette while sitting on one of the guys and using the other as an ottoman.

"Kouji?" I almost cry in relief. Never in my life have I ever felt so happy to see the twins.

Kouichi places a hand under Tadashi's chin and whips it around so that he can fix the younger man's eyes with a piercing gaze but the same misleading smile. "I suggest you walk away before my brother decides to hurt you as well. I can't really hold him back."

Tadashi lets go of me and runs off with his tail tucked between his legs. Once he's gone, Kouji gets off the two guys and pulls them both up, they were both quivering uncontrollably. Obviously, Kouji never physically harmed either of them; he was able to shut them down with his infamous prosecuting death glare.

"It's good to see that you're doing well," Kouji puffs sarcastically as his victims take off after their leader.

Kouichi pushes his glasses up as he chuckles good-humoredly. "Ah, Kouji, the most terrifying lawyer we know."

"What about you?" Kouji scoffs. "When you graduate med school, you're going to be the scariest doctor we know."

I couldn't resist. I grab both of the twins and hug them tightly. I start to sob into the both of them, messing up their aristocratic clothes but they don't seem to mind. I don't know why they're here but I'm so fucking happy, so relieved, that they are. But I know I can't count on the two of them forever. I have to stand up for myself. I was able to do it last week, why couldn't I do it today? I don't know the answer, but I know that I have to rely on myself at some point.

I start coughing when I inhale some of the cigarette smoke. "I see you're still stuck on that bad habit."

"I've tried to make him quit," Kouichi shrug.

"I've tried _to_ quit," Kouji replies, dropping the poisonous, burning stick and stepping on it. "So, who was that guy anyway? A jealous ex-boyfriend?"

I almost laugh but the thought isn't even remotely funny in my opinion. "Nah, just a stupid ex-client of mine," I say. "Thanks for helping me out but what are you guys even doing here? I thought you were both busy."

"Tomoki invited us over," Kouji answers.

"Izumi and Takuya are both coming over as well," Kouichi adds with that same smile from before only it isn't misleading this time. "It was supposed to be a surprise but I figured it wouldn't really matter right now anyway. Tonight, we're going to dinner together, the seven of us!"

That _is_ a surprise. I've had a meal with them as individuals or in small groups but whenever they wanted more than five people, it was usually just the Legendary Warriors. Them telling me that we were having dinner for seven, made me want to cry again. This time, out of pure joy.

"That sounds… really great," I beam.

"We'll see you then," Kouji says as he turns towards the stairs. "We'll be heading off to see Junpei. Try to stay out of trouble in the meantime."

"Yeah, I will," I nod.

-X-

I went to school and saw Maehara again. Not just him, but the group of friends that he hangs out with all the time. They were all friendly to me and promised to walk with me home to avoid another unwanted run in with Tadashi and his crew.

I'm genuinely surprised; I've been so cynical of the world lately. I keep thinking that most people are bigots who don't like the idea of homosexuals but none of these guys seem to care about something as trivial as my sexuality. Rather, they all feel disgusted at Tadashi for what he did and they are all supporting me. For the third time today, I feel like crying. Sounds pretty pathetic, huh…

When the end of class had come, Nozaki-sensei stops me before I'm out the door. Being stopped by the teacher is never good. In my experience, anyway. "Kanbara-kun? Do you think you could stay behind for a bit? I wanted to talk to you about something."

I frown but my new friends tell me that they would wait for me outside the classroom so I walk up to Nozaki-sensei. I know I handed in all of my late assignments, I keep up with the lessons I miss. I know I may not seem like it, but grades are very important to me. Okay, that's a lie. It's only thanks to Tomoki and his tutoring that I even understand half the shit I'm learning.

"What is it?" I ask.

Nozaki-sensei gives me a look that's between pity and guilty. I don't know which is worse. "I caught Maehara-kun being harassed by a couple of guys from the boxing club earlier today. I asked him about it and he told me about a bullying incident concerning you last week. Is that why you missed classes for two days?"

I stiffen. I hadn't wanted any teachers to get involved with this since it's my problem, not theirs. Why should they care anyway? "Yeah," I chuckle, trying to play it off cool, like it wasn't a big deal. "It was a miscommunication but don't worry, I can handle it myself!"

He isn't buying it. "Kanbara-kun… I know you must think negatively towards others because of your sexual orientation and to be perfectly honest, it actually does bother me a lot. But you are my student before anything else and that's why you should know that you can always come to me if you're having problems with other students, especially physical ones. I already suspended the bullies for a month so you won't have to worry about them for a while."

Suspended? "Sensei… I get what you're trying to do but that'll just make things worse," I droop. "They'll be angry and take it out on me."

"Kanbara-kun…," Nozaki says without looking up at me. He's staring straight ahead. "Earlier, you were chuckling when I mentioned the incident. You should know that things like this aren't a laughing matter. I want to do my best as your teacher to protect you."

"…Right," I'm not sure what else to say.

"Oh, and one more thing," he states as I'm about to turn and leave. "I heard about your little private business coming to an end. That's good; I'm hoping you'll focus more on your studies from now on."

How in the world does he know about that?

I start babbling nonsense. "Um… Business? Wh-What are you talking about?"

Nozaki-sensei laughs. "You kids think that teachers don't know the things happening around here. I've heard it all. You're not a bad student Kanbara-kun… And I hope everything goes well between you and Himi-kun."

He knows about that too? But still, there is something about this teacher, the genuine way he said it and the smile he wore while saying it that made me feel warm inside. Maybe I should actually start paying closer attention to his lessons. Well… I can try at least. "…Thank you."

I leave the classroom and I wonder why I was so distrustful of adults before. Maybe because most of the ones I meet avoid me like the plague.

When I get out, Maehara apologizes for telling Nozaki-sensei about Tadashi but I tell him that it's no problem at all. As a group, we start heading towards the school gates when someone calls out my name. We turn around and notice a couple members of the boxing club approaching us, six in total. That can't be good.

Well, that was my initial thought until I see who actually makes up the group. At the front was an upperclassman by the name Hikaru. He's used my body before but unlike Tadashi, he's never rude to me. There are also two kids at the back, one first-year and a second-year I believe, who've never used me before. Something tells me that these guys aren't here to avenge their suspended team captain.

"Hikaru-senpai," I blink. "What is it?" I notice how Maehara and his group are keeping their guard and I greatly appreciate it.

Hikaru suddenly bows down respectfully to me and the other five follow suit. "We humbly apologize for our idiot captain," he says before raising his head. "We've always known that he was kind of an asshole but we never thought he would take things as far as he did."

I was shocked… again. "You don't have to apologize," I chuckle. "It wasn't your fault."

"But we've used you the same way as he had so we feel at least a little responsible," Hikaru mutters sheepishly. "We depended on you to relieve our stress too much and I guess that may have pushed Tadashi to do the same."

Another kid from the boxing club quickly adds, "We all decided to form a new boxing club! One where Hikaru is our captain. And we promise not to ask you for help ever again!"

"Not that I would provide it in that way anymore anyway," I reply before adding with a flirty wink. "But if my boyfriend ever agrees, maybe one of you can have a two for one special." Somehow, that makes everyone crack up, including myself.

"Still though, I definitely have to thank you," another club member steps forward.

"Thank me?" I say, an eyebrow raised. "Why, was that tyrant of a captain abusing you or something? Because I wouldn't put that kind of thing past him."

He shakes his head. "No, actually… I'm… gay too but I've always been too afraid to admit it." He suddenly bows to me again. "Thanks to you, I'm not longer afraid or ashamed of that part of who I am anymore!"

I'm completely caught off guard at first. I've met gays online, at bars, at homosexual districts, but I've never had one walk right up to me and say it. I smile softly. "That's great, I'm glad…," I notice how he had been standing awfully close to one other member who had been watching intently. "Are you two… dating?"

"Eh?" the other guy blinks, a blush creeping to his cheeks. "Uh, well…"

Hikaru smirks as he pulls me to the side. "That guy was just really curious when he had sex with you and then he got together with Okano for experimenting at first."

"I see," I snicker.

"D-Don't just stand over there whispering to each other!" Okano stammered.

Hikaru stands back up and scratches the back of his head. "Well, to be completely honest, many of the sports club members who've used you, a lot of them have become more than curious and have even started experimenting with each other. So I don't think you have to worry about your stress relief services making them turn against you."

"That does explain why the baseball club didn't come after me with their bats," I laugh. And now I have a legitimate reason to ship sports club members.

Somehow, all of us end up talking to each other but it doesn't take long for the atmosphere to dampen when Hikaru suddenly gets quiet. One by one, so does everyone else. They're all looking over me and I don't have to turn to know who's there. When will Tadashi leave me alone?

"Kanbara!" Tadashi shouts from behind me. I slowly pivot on my heel to see that he's absolutely fuming. "This is all your fucking fault!"

The fear from this morning doesn't grip me this time. But my silver tongue doesn't come back to me either. I'm just simply not afraid of this jerk anymore. Not while knowing that there are so many others to back me up now. "You're the one who broke the rules by physically harming me," I shrug casually. "I had nothing to do with your suspension."

"You should really get your ass out of here before a teacher catches you on campus," Hikaru tells their former captain.

"Your punishment could become expulsion so you should probably get going," Maehara adds.

Tadashi hates how his own minions are standing up to him. He hates it even more that ordinary students are standing up to him as well.

"You chose the side of this fucking faggot?! Have you all lost your minds?!" Tadashi yells at us but we didn't move, flinch, or react in any sort of way. He's about to charge at us when a teacher grabs him by his hood.

"That 'fucking faggot' just so happens to be my brother," Takuya states angrily. He's not a teacher at this college but he's a PE teacher at Raira Academy in the next town over. And he knows how to convey absolute authority to his students when it's needed.

Tadashi is still angry and just knowing that Takuya is my brother is reason enough to try and hit him. But unfortunately for him, Takuya is way tougher than he is as evident by how he dodges the punch and twists the younger guy's arm around onto his back, pinning it between his shoulder blades.

"_That's_ your brother?" Maehara gapes.

"He's kind of dreamy," one of the girls sighs.

"Not the time," I chuckle as I run over to my brother. "What are you doing here so early? Shouldn't you still be in Ikebukuro at this time?"

Takuya lets go of Tadashi and makes him run off before addressing me. "I was let out early." He places a hand on my shoulder and starts looking me up and down. I figure that Tomoki must've told him about how I was beat up and now he's in overprotective older brother mode. Finally, after seeming to have passed his examination, he releases a long sigh. "Well… You've definitely looked worse before."

I flick his forehead.

-X-

Takuya, Kouji, Kouichi, Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki, and I all get our own private room at the restaurant we go to. We sit around a low dining table, on soft cushions surrounded by tatami mats. What is it with Tomoki and me in traditional places?

We all hold up our glasses of wine; well, except for Izumi and Kouichi who are both having light drinks in the form of cocktails. We make a toast and, according to Izumi, is for the health and prosperity my relationship with Tomoki. She refers to us by the ship name she invented for us, 'Shinoki'. I really like it.

What I like better is being around all of these guys. I wonder what I had done to deserve such kindness and the luck of having some of the best people to be friends with. We talk about everything. Our talks range from what we've been up to recently, to our careers, to school, to every little corner that has evaded becoming the topic of conversation before.

I feel disappointed when Izumi gets up to leave and the others are starting to do the same since they all had to go to work or school tomorrow.

Izumi halts the guys from getting up though. "You guys are not allowed to leave until ten to twenty minutes after I do."

"Why not?" Takuya groans.

Kouichi knows the answer so he responds for the idol. "How would it look to the paparazzi if she walked out of a private room with one or more guys tagging along with her? You don't think that'll cause unnecessary rumors at all?"

"Huh… Point taken," Takuya relents.

Even so, it isn't long until it's just Tomoki and I left in the room together. Tomoki has to get up early tomorrow too but he shows no signs of wanting to leave yet. And I want to prolong my stay as well so I don't really say anything about it.

As we sit there eating, I feel Tomoki's hand touch my own hesitantly at first before holding it ever so gently. I glance down at our interlocked fingers before looking up at him.

"Shinya…," Tomoki breathes as he quickly presses his lips against mine.

A part of me wonders if he's drunk. Another part of me knows him enough to know that he isn't.

The smaller boy pushes me down to the floor and we lay there, wrapped up in each other. His arms wrapped behind my head and mine behind his back, like when we were in the baths together, except we aren't passionately and aggressively making out. We're just embracing each other tightly.

"You've become a _lot_ more shameless," I comment quietly.

"And whose fault is that?" Tomoki replies, just as quietly.

He doesn't have to say it to me, I could tell. He told me when this all started that he wanted to wait until he was ready. Well, right now, he's silently telling me that he is.

I push him back up and start kissing him again while stripping his shirt off. After I do that, I take off my own shirt as well. Tomoki's eyes reflected a variety of emotions, ranging from fear, to excitement, to love, to lust. He's afraid that we're going to get caught here and that added to the excitement of it all. And what we were about to do, it involved both love and lust for the two of us. I love him, Tomoki loves me, and we both lust for each other.

As soon as my shirt is off, Tomoki's already at my jeans, wasting no time. I don't want him to do all the work so I tell him to lie down on his side. We're on the floor, mouths facing each other's crotches as we pull off our jeans. It isn't long until the room is filled with the sounds of us sucking each other off complimented with breathless sighs and moans and the occasional choke.

Since neither of us has had any time recently to relieve ourselves of our sexual tensions, we don't last very long. I cum first and Tomoki was spitting out my semen but I'm not done with Tomoki yet. I keep sucking his cock until he blows his load as well, with a rather vocally appreciative moan to go along with it. And unlike my lover, I swallow it all. We're both still hard though.

"I still can't believe you like the taste of that," Tomoki coughs.

"I don't usually, but yours is an exception," I grin. "I'm not done with you yet though. Which role do you want?"

Tomoki starts squirming nervously, blushing madly. "To be completely honest, I kind of preferred being the bottom over being the top."

"That's good because to be perfectly honest, you were the best bottom I've ever had," I laugh before pushing him onto his back. "And I don't think I'll ever get bored of fucking you."

"Shinya… We don't…," he trails off. I know what he was going to say and I know that he didn't finish his sentence because his lust was starting to overpower him.

"Have protection?" I finish for him. I reach over to my jeans and pulled out the small box Izumi had given me earlier today with a knowing wink. "Don't worry about that… Izumi was prepared for this." I open it up and as I expected, a box of condoms fell out. There's also a little note with a drawing of her head on it, winking. It read 'Stay Safe' in really girly script.

After that preparation, I spread his legs and he wraps them around my waist as I push myself inside him for the second time. It's a tight fit but he sucks me right in before long. It feels so tight and warm and I love it.

I bend forward and place my hands on his sides. I start out with slow, purposeful thrusts but I push myself as deep as I can go inside him. I feel him shaking underneath me and his breathing gets shallower.

"Am I hurting you?" I ask.

Tomoki smiles at me and then he puts his hands behind my neck and pulls me down towards his face so that he can plant a tender kiss on my lips. "A little… But with you, I know I'll be just fine. I really love you, Shinya Kanbara."

How did I get to this unbelievable high point in my life? To having sex with the guy of my dreams, hearing him tell me that he loves me, being surrounded with some of the best friends in the whole world, and telling off a nasty homophobe. I honestly don't think I deserve this but I'm really happy that I got it.

"I love you too… Tomoki Himi," I whisper.


	9. Please Set Me Free

"You coded and programmed this entire thing in just two hours?" Tokugawa-san says as he stares at my computer screen. "I'm starting to see why your teacher couldn't recommend you enough for this internship."

I'm sitting in the office of one of the biggest video game companies in Japan, awaiting to see if I'd receive the opportunity of a lifetime thanks to my game design teacher's recommendation. It looks like things are going well for me. Since last week, I've gotten myself a boyfriend I'm in love with, got the bullies tormenting him off of his back, and now I might be able to get an incredible head start on my dream career.

"Thank you, sir," I bow respectfully.

"I can tell that you've been working really hard," Tokugawa nods as he pats my shoulder. "I think you would fit in here nicely. I'll put in a good word for you with the board of directors and then I'll call you back to see if you got the spot."

I'm ecstatic and I don't bother to hide it. "Thank you so much! That means so much to me!"

He points to a sheet on the desk and hands me a pen. "Just write down your e-mail address and phone number, I'll get back to you within a week or two at most."

I nod and I'm about write down my contact information when I stop, thinking about Shinya. I don't know what comes over me, but I just need to know about this before writing anything down, even if it meant blowing this huge opportunity.

"Um… Tokugawa-san," I say quietly. "I know this is a weird question but do you have anyone working in this building that is… um… gay?"

Tokugawa seems surprised by this query, and he should be. "Not that I know of," he replies honestly, scratching his cheek. "If there are, then they're probably in the closet." He puts his hands back in his lap. "What's this about?"

I hesitate before shaking my head. "Nothing…," I still don't write down my information.

"Tomoki… Are you gay?"

My silence is the only answer I give. I expect him to take the sheet away from me or tell me that I'm disgusting, or something to that extent. I've never been told any of those things before but when I chose to be with Shinya, all those thoughts came to me. I've been afraid of being treated with prejudice and being rejected for who I am. It's all because of the stories I hear about such things happening and it's just terrifying to me. So I wait like cornered prey.

But nothing poisonous is shot at me from the older man. He just stares at me. Not in contempt or irritation. He's simply waiting for me to do something first.

"You don't mind or think that it's wrong?" I ask cautiously.

Tokugawa-san just shrugs. "I mean, I don't really care but some other workers might so if you end up getting the job, you might want to keep it a secret to avoid conflict. But we've designed some games with queer characters before so I don't think there's anyone against it."

A huge sense of relief washes over me. "I'm sorry; you really didn't need to know."

Tokugawa smiles and chuckles. "No, I'm actually glad you told me. You're a pretty brave kid to inform me. My younger sister is actually a lesbian and I've seen what the prejudice and injustice can do to someone if they're constantly subjected to it. Some people are strong against it and they just don't care what other people will say about them…" His smile became sad. "My sister was not one of those people."

I feel really bad now. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, it's not your fault," Tokugawa-san sighs. "She made the decision for herself though the ones who pushed her over the edge are the ones most at fault." He then brings his attention back to me. "Just so you know though, I'm off limits."

I laugh a little. "Don't worry; I already have a boyfriend."

"That's good to hear," he smiles. "I hope things work out for you. Now then, back to business…"

"Right, my e-mail and number, I almost forgot."

-X-

"I'm home!" I call as I enter the apartment. I freeze upon seeing Shinya waiting for me.

"Welcome back!" Shinya grins widely.

I'm staring at him, which is probably what he wants from me. He's standing in front of the door wearing pointy wolf ears on his head, a fluffy lupine tail attached to his waist, a collar around his neck, and nothing else but a jockstrap. Am I forgetting to mention that he's in a rather erotic pose, lying on his side, head perched in his palm while the other hand fondles his junk outside the jockstrap?

He wants a reaction from me and even though he can't see because of my dress pants, he gets one out of me. But I don't plan on giving in to seduction.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

I can see that Shinya is disappointed by my lackluster reaction but it doesn't seem like he's about to give up as he crawls towards me like the canine he's dressed us, purposely bumping and rubbing against my legs. I don't budge from the spot as I take off my shoes but I make sure to angle myself so that he wouldn't feel the hard on in my pants.

"I was just waiting for you to come back home," he say flirtatiously. His arms wrap around me, hands on my side, and he's grinding his cock against my thigh as if he was like an actual dog in heat. "Is that wrong… Master?"

I twitch, the way he utters that last word sends chills down my spine and he feel my sudden movement. His sly grin gets wider when he feel _it_ bump him a little.

"You're annoying," I mutter as I push him off. It doesn't really bother him since I'm blushing now and that seems to be the reaction he wanted all along.

"I knew it!" Shinya laughs triumphantly. "You are happy to see me!"

I pull out the frying pan that I keep near the doorway and he immediately clamps up. "Put some clothes on or I'm not making you dinner."

Shinya pouts but he does as I tell him and by the time he's fully clothed, the two of us are snuggled up on the couch, watching TV. Over the past week, we've gotten really comfortable with living with each other and it's been really easy to get stuff done. Especially since we have different class schedules, Shinya is out of the house when I'm cleaning and back to handle other chores that I'm too tired to handle. When we're back in the apartment at the same time, we spend it with each other.

But I think Shinya may have gotten too comfortable here as you just saw from his little domesticated wolf act. Sometimes, he walks around completely naked and according to him, he would do that all the time at his old apartment which doesn't surprise me. There were a few times where he would just put on a fundoshi and that would actually turn me on more than when he's naked for some reason.

"How come you won't have sex with me again?" Shinya groans suddenly.

"So that's what that was about," I roll my eyes. "How are you always horny?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Maybe it's because you make me that way?"

"Liar, you've been this way even before we were lovers."

"Actually, I was sort of a whore because I couldn't have you. So in a way, it's your fault that I ended up this way."

"What? Like a walking homosexual stereotype, unable to tell the difference between sex and love?"

Shinya laughs and then kisses me softly. "Also thanks to you, I don't have a problem telling that difference though I'm not sure if I was ever confused about it before. I really do love you, Tomoki."

"I know, you remind me every day," I reply. "Sometimes twice a day… Not that I mind though."

"Good, you shouldn't," Shinya grins playfully. "Now, answer my original question."

I sit up and he does the same, knowing that I'm about to get serious. "I guess… I just don't want to do it so much that we'll end up with those stereotypes," I admit. "I mean, I love you and I really do enjoy sex but to do it any time you feel like it, doesn't it feel wrong in some way? If we really do love each other, then we should be satisfied with just being with each other."

Shinya seems to understand what I'm saying and he seems to accept it as evident by how he gives me a one-armed hug. "It's already too late for me to get out of that stereotype but I get it," he says. "But I think you're only seeing sex as a lustful thing when it's not. That's how porn, doujinshis, and some smutty fanfictions have made it look like but the truth is, when it comes to two people who love each other, sex is so much more."

I knew exactly what he's saying because I actually gave him this speech before after he revealed to me about his many clients in his former slut business. "It's the physical representation of the connection between those two people who don't care what the world says about them. They only care about each other during that storm of emotions and craziness."

"A beautiful thing for a virgin to say," Shinya chuckle.

"Shut up," I laugh. "I didn't have any right to say that back then. But I really do believe it."

Shinya smiles again and he pushes me back down to the couch to kiss me some more but nothing more than that. "I believe it too…," he whispers to me. "And that's sort of why I think that 'not wanting to fall under stereotypes' is a lame excuse."

"If I loved you, I shouldn't care what the world says when we have sex," I smile, having some idea of where he's going. "I should block out the ones who tell me it's gross or that it's a sin or whatever."

"Not block out, but accept that those words are just those belonging to ugly souls trying to justify their beliefs," Shinya corrects. "They can't hurt you if you don't let them and blocking them out doesn't work. You can only accept them for the ugly things that they are."

"I guess so," I laugh. I notice that he's expecting something from me. "I'm still not going to have sex with you."

"Why not?" he practically whines. "We haven't done it since Monday!"

"I still don't feel like doing it too much," I tell him as I sit back up. "By the way, you were romantic up until that moment where you were staring at me with hungry eyes. Next time, try to end things on a more positive and romantic note."

"I told you, I'm bad with romance."

"And I told you that you aren't."

Shinya opens his mouth to respond when the doorbell rings. Both of us glance at each other but it was clear that neither of us were expecting any visitors. So I get up and walk over to the door, opening it up and nearly having a heart attack on the spot. Standing in front of me is my father and behind him is his first son, my older brother, Yutaka.

"Dad!" I call out in surprise.

Shinya immediately sits up straight and I can tell that his mind was racing. He had gotten rid of most of his porn magazines and all of his sex toys, claiming that he didn't need them anymore, a couple of days ago so he didn't have to worry about my family finding those things at least. But he's obviously still worried and he has a right to be.

"Hello Tomoki, I apologize for dropping by unannounced," father tells me as he lets himself in, Yutaka following.

"Um… Well, I'm just curious as to why you decided to visit today," I say awkwardly as I close the door. "If it's about the internship, I just got back from the interview so I don't know if I got the job yet."

My brother and father both pause when they see Shinya on the couch, trying his best to look as casual as possible. I notice Yutaka's face twist into that of disdain and disgust but my father's expression is completely unreadable, no surprise there. He used to be a jolly and fun-loving man but when I turned out to be a kid he couldn't spoil anymore and best friends with an open homosexual, he changed into a completely different man.

"Yutaka told me about how you're living with Shinya Kanbara," father says thought he's not even looking at me. His eyes are fixated on Shinya who looks like he's trying to shrink into the corner of the couch. "So, why are the two of you living together?"

It takes a moment for Shinya to realize that the question's for him and not me. "Eh? Well, it was getting pretty difficult for me to pay rent and I'm here a lot anyway so we decided that it would just be easier to live together. Trust me, there is nothing more than that going on here."

My father nods as if he accepts this answer. "Where do you sleep?"

Shinya shrugs, the lies coming naturally to him. "The couch, sometimes a futon that I roll out but I don't really mind sleeping anywhere, really."

"You're lying," my father shoots towards him calmly. I tense up as he turns to me. "Tomoki, tell me the truth."

This afternoon, I hadn't lied to Tokugawa-san and I didn't try to deny it. I let it be and it turned out fine. My gut was telling me that things won't be fine if I'm honest with my father but I just know that I couldn't lie to him. Even if he shouts at me, tries to separate me from Shinya, or disown me, I don't think I can ever hate him.

"Dad…," I start, holding my head up high. I could see Shinya watching me with wide eyes and I flash him a ghost of a smile that I know he caught. "Shinya is my boyfriend, I am his lover." I could see that Yutaka's surprised and he shoots a revolted and scornful look at my significant other but my father's as expressionless as ever. "But he didn't do anything to me. I think, I've always been gay or bisexual, but I never really acknowledged it until Shinya…"

My father sighs and he suddenly looks several decades older as he pinches the bridge of his nose. His expression visibly softens as he looks between me and Shinya. "Tomoki… I have one other question that I would like for you to answer honestly. Are you happy?"

This is a surprise. "Y-Yes! Actually… Being with Shinya… I don't think I've ever been happier."

Yutaka's no longer revolted but downright shocked that those words had just come out of my mouth. "What the hell are you saying?!"

Father puts a hand on my older brother's shoulder. "Yutaka, that's enough."

"Wait…," says Shinya. He's more confused than anyone else though I see that he's really happy because I said I was happy being with him. "You looked like I killed your dog when you found out that I'm gay but you don't seem to be taking it so bad with Tomoki. I thought you were going to start blaming me or shout at me or even try to separate us."

I had thought the same thing.

"When Yutaka told me that you two were living together, I had my suspicions that you two were lovers," my father confesses. "But then I started thinking about it, night after night. I realized that if my son is happy, then I can't really pull him away from you."

"I don't believe this!" Yutaka snaps in exasperation.

Neither could I, but not in the same way.

"What made you have this change of heart?" I ask.

My father looks to Shinya. "His older brother actually came to visit me yesterday."

"Takuya did?" Shinya and I both say.

"He confirmed my suspicions about you two by telling me the whole truth," father breathes. "The entire time, he was sitting on his knees on the hardwood floor, bowing his head down as he spoke. He kept asking me to allow your relationship to continue because it made the two of you so happy. He told me about how he had went to visit you and he saw this visible, positive change in both of you. And now that I'm standing here, I can see what he was talking about."

I've never felt more grateful for Takuya in my life and I could tell that the feeling was reciprocated in Shinya. Okay, so the time he and Kouji took down Cherubimon comes a close second. As for Yutaka, he looks like he's about to have a heart attack this time.

"I'm going out to get some fresh air," Yutaka huffs as he stomps out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

I know that I'm going to need some more heart to heart with my father but I think I need to talk to my brother first. I can see that Shinya and my father are both still really uncomfortable and awkward with each other, so my excuse was going to be used to help them as well.

"I'm going to talk to Yutaka," I say. "Do you think you two can try to talk to each other and get to know each other past your original impressions? Because I can still see that you, dad, think Shinya is living an 'incorrect lifestyle' and you need to get used to him. And Shinya, you need to know my father past bigot, homophobe, and 'evil tyrant'."

As I leave, I hear them both say something to each other simultaneously.

"You called me an ' evil tyrant'?"

"There's nothing 'incorrect'…"

I close the door behind me and see Yutaka at the railing, staring down to the sidewalk with his head in his hands. I step up next to him and begin contemplating my next move. I never imagined how this conversation would go with my brother but I know that it's going to happen. I just figured it would be separate from the one I would have with my father.

"I can't believe this…," Yutaka states finally.

"Why?" I ask. "Do you think it's uncommon? Some people speculate that a fifth of the world's population is gay. Is it wrong for me to fall within that twenty percent?"

"I just… I just don't understand how you turned out this way," Yutaka admits to me. "You grew up in perfectly normal conditions didn't you? You loved video games, super hero comics, all normal guy things. So what the hell happened?"

"First of all, thank you for not saying that something went _wrong_," I half-chuckle. "Second, not all gay men have to act like the opposite gender. Honestly, it's always been confusing to me why gay men are sometimes attracted to men who act more feminine and why lesbians are attracted to women who act more masculine. I feel normal. I don't feel different. I just never realized because I grew up with heterosexual couples all around me. It's hard to acknowledge the truth about yourself when all you know is what you see."

Yutaka laughs a little this time. "I'm sorry…"

"For what?"

He rubs his face. "For making you feel unsafe around me. I mean, why else would you not tell me the truth when I last visited you?"

"I was just afraid of how you would react," I tell him. "So far, you're taking it better than I thought you'd be. I was expecting you to be spewing vulgarities at Shinya's face."

Yutaka looks at me, really looks at me, as if searching for something. "Well… I know that I've only been out here alone for about five to ten seconds but a revelation came to me. That time when Shinya called you and you ran off, it was because something bad happened to him, right?"

Is he psychic? "Yeah," I nod. "Some guys beat him up for a stupid reason."

"Look, the reason why I freak out about homosexuals is exactly what you said. I see everyone else in on it and I follow the lead," he mutters. "But when I think about how you could become a target of that hate, I feel the need to side with you. Fuck what the world says about you."

"Funny, I was just talking about something similar with Shinya," I chuckle.

We laugh for a bit and when we calm down, Yutaka thinks about his next words very carefully. "I'm guessing there really isn't a way to change your mind right? It's not like a switch that you can flip, whenever you want, right?"

I nod. "Yeah, it's pretty much how it works when you're attracted to women. It's the same feeling and the same hormones and the same dirty thoughts."

"How would you know?" he inquire.

I shrug. "I actually think I'm bisexual but it's easier to say that I'm gay even if it's only half the truth."

"But you're still lying about your sexuality."

Yutaka and I spend the next ten minutes talking about random stuff like we always do. We later join the two people inside the apartment and we all talk; the four of us. Things still feel kind of forced and awkward but that's to be expected. No one can change in a matter of seconds but it turns out that a former truth has become a lie. This moment right now is actually the happiest I've ever been.

After my father and Yutaka leave for home, I turn to Shinya, grab him by the hem of his shirt and drag him all the way back to our room. I push him onto our bed and jump on top of him, attacking his lips with my own viciously.

I think you all know where this is headed.

"Your family should drop by more often," Shinya smirks when he gets my pants off.

"Trust me… You don't want that," I laugh.

We kiss again and then feel our bond become something physical for the third time. It's a little hard to believe but I really have fallen in love with Shinya Kanbara.


	10. Thanks For Everything

I pull my coat around me tighter and exhale, watching my breath in the air. It's definitely getting colder out and I'm not exactly a big fan of the cold but Tomoki loves it. It must have something to do with being the Warrior of Ice. Well, he doesn't like being in cold water but cold air, like at an ice skating rink or Siberia, is fine with him.

It's been quite some time since everything has happened, a few weeks actually. And it was one hell of a ride. Most of it being not really smooth but I don't think I would have ridden it any other way.

I turn around when Tomoki steps out of the apartment and beams at me. I pull him close to me and smile when I feel his body heat even through his winter clothes. I kiss him softly and he returns the kiss and when we pull away, our hands are linked together.

"Are you cold?" Tomoki asks.

No point in lying since he would just figure it out. "Yeah, a little bit."

Tomoki reaches into his bag with his free hand and pulls out a handmade scarf and loops it around my neck. It feels warm and soft. He uses it to pull me closer to him and kisses me again. "How about now?"

"Much better," I grin.

"It's a late Christmas present," Tomoki explains as we start walking, hand in hand. "I was working on it during my free time and when I was alone so you wouldn't see it. I wasn't really sure what to get you and I definitely wasn't expecting it to take so long to make."

"I love it," I reply. Tomoki is one of the few people of the world who would put so much time and effort into a gift. "And I love you."

Tomoki blushes and smiles. "I know… I love you too."

We pass by a trio of girls who smile and waves at us, seeming to be very approving, and giddy, of our relationship. We also pass by Maehara who grins as we walk by, acknowledging each other with a quick 'hey'. We even passed by a small family of three. The father seems indifferent, the kid asks his mother something and she only grins and responds. The little girl looks back to us and starts waving enthusiastically. We returned her adorable gesture, though admittedly, not as adorably.

"Why were we so cynical again?" I ask.

Tomoki laughs a little. "I wasn't as cynical but it probably had something to do with your suffering. Still, I'm glad you're not just a sob story."

I scoff. "No one who's been bullied or discriminated against is just a sob story. Even gay people get frustrated after hearing so many people bitch about their suffering. They don't realize that they're not just a sad story… They're an inspiration. So what, they suffered? Guess what they're doing right now… They're surviving, so keep living."

"I like that," Tomoki chuckles. "Have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker?"

I smirk and we continue walking. Obviously, we don't just pass by supporters on our way to our destination, there are plenty of people who frown or even spit at our feet but we keep moving along. But most either smiled or ignored which are both good reactions in our books.

We stop at a modern-looking café and step inside. Normally, the place would be closed this late at night but the owner's staying open for a little longer for friends of his. That included Tomoki and I as we greet everyone inside.

It's too bad that everyone else was busy today. Takuya already made plans with his co-workers at Raira Academy. Kouji's working on some important case since the statute of limitations is going to be over in about three days. Izumi's off in New York doing some modeling work for a magazine. Junpei's just finished his latest project and he ended up being dragged off to a party by his superiors. And Kouichi simply doesn't have the time to drive all the way out here to join us.

But despite being just the two of us, we still feel that everyone is experiencing the same joy right now as we count down the minutes.

The café owner leave our orders with us and we each take a sip from them. We both laugh when we see our coffee mustaches on each other's upper lips. We look up when we hear one of the regulars, a close friend of the owner, suddenly say that there are only ten seconds left.

"Ten… Nine… Eight…"

Tomoki and I have been together for a little more than a month and it's been a wonderful journey getting here. I'm actually not so sure how we survived everything we had went through but it's been absolutely fabulous.

"Seven… Six… Five…"

In four more days, Tadashi comes back from his suspension which means I have to survive about three more months of him until he graduates which is perfectly fine with me. I'll survive. There's no way I'll let that dick take away my happiness. I'm done being ruled by fear because of people like him.

"Four… Three… Two…"

Besides, I should really focus on all the happy things in my life and my loved ones. Like how Tomoki got that call a few weeks ago and hugged me, saying that he had got the internship. He's one step closer to achieving his dreams and everything he deserves. I couldn't feel happier or more proud of him. I don't even care that it means we would spend less time with each other.

"One!"

The noisemakers and the confetti blasters sound through the café at the same time Tomoki squeezes my hand and leans in close.

"Happy New Year…," we whisper to each other and kiss again.

My New Year's resolution is to make Tomoki as happy as he can be. I might make mistakes that will cause him some sort of pain or sadness but I want to show him my gratitude somehow. After all, it's this boy, the very same one that I'm kissing who made me realize the difference between love and lust.

He's also the very same boy to make me realize what gay pride really meant. No more shame in that because… I am absolutely, completely, and hopelessly in love with Tomoki Himi. And I plan on enjoying every single day of it.

-X-

**A/N: That was the official end of Love or Lust! I know it's really short compared to other chapters but I felt that this was the best way to end it. But do not fret because I am thinking about making a sequel on this story. But before that, I'm going to be making a spin-off starring Junpei, Kiraya, and a third mystery character. Any last words, Shinya?**

Well… I guess I would just like to thank everybody who had supported my relationship with Tomoki. I know it's been smutty but at least there's been some fluff here and there, right? So, thanks for putting up with all of this. Maybe I can convince Zero Unit to make a PG version of this story where the sex is all implied though I don't think that'll be possible since I was a pretty big whore before Tomoki.

Anyway, I'd also like to tell anyone in the LGBTQ community that you don't have to be afraid to be yourself. Obviously, if you have conservative parents who are going to pay for your college tuition, you might want to wait a bit before coming out. But just remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're far from perfect but you're more than amazing and ten times more beautiful than you think you are. Please note that this message was not for narcissistic people because I'll just be inflating their egos to comically larger proportions.

Thanks again, my heart goes out to all of you. The same for Tomoki, we love you guys but not as much as we love each other. We hope to catch you guys again if a sequel does come out.

Well, I guess that's it… Until next we meet! Sayonara minna!


End file.
